Flipping through the messages, I see the desperate back-and-forth. Only a few days before I arrived, she texted him and said she needed to get her stuff from his house. He tells her only if she promises to not say a word, to swear to god she won’t. And that if she says one word, she has to suck his dick. I retch. The way she’s been blowing up his phone, it seems like she took it as an invitation.
Apparently, he physically hit her a couple of weeks ago. He sounds absolutely unhinged in his texts to her. And it’s obvious they’ve both been drinking by the content of the texts. They’re not… romantic… per se, but there’s an undercurrent of something. A tension.
It just goes on—insults thrown like barbs, her blowing up his phone, him demanding she ‘quit blowing him up’. Then him messaging her if she stops.
He told me she’s a nightmare, loud and obnoxious, that he couldn’t stand being around her for more than a day or two. So then, what’s this? It certainly doesn’t look like he’s been trying to stay away.
I’m disgusted. If he fucksthat, then… I know, I sound bitchy to myself.
But she’s gross.
Now I’m having visions that he just fucks anyone in Sunset Cay who is willing.
I’m someone who has worked my ass off for so long to live my dream. And now I’m concerned that maybe he’ll take what he can from me and run back to some tragedy like her, with my stuff. And leave me with nothing.
What if they’re in a secret relationship? What if I’m a fucking joke to both of them? And they’re just biding their time, waiting to be reunited, after he’s taken everything that he can from me. Exploited what he can through pretending to care about me.
I think of his exes that I’m aware of, all older than me. Successful from a career perspective, but all with issues from a personal standpoint, at least from what he’s told me.
Before we met in person, he was talking to a single mother with four children that had matching mohawks, but he said he chose me over her.
I know I’m not perfect, though. Who wants a three-times-married woman who doesn’t have a family? Maybe he’s the best I can ever hope for.
But if he cheated on me with… her? I’d be so grossed out.
Why do I feel like that’s a risk, though? If she compliments him while we’re having a fight… he’s just one hurt feeling away from hurting me just to be spiteful. That’s not what I want. I know that’s not how relationships should work. Being worried that if you say one wrong thing to your partner, that he is so needy of praise and positive reinforcement that you risk being cheated on? That’s not healthy.
But instead of pushing him away, conceptually, at least, in my mind, I pull him closer. I want him to realize why he should never want to do that. Why he should never say he had no choice but to do that. Cheat with the girl he doesn’t like but will fuck.
As if on cue, his phone dings, and it’s her. Selfies of them together, arm in arm, looking like she’s exactly where she belongs.
For someone he doesn’t like, they sure took a lot of selfies together, both of them cozy, his arm slung around her.
He looks like himself, the requisite surfer, exuding charm and confidence.
She looks all perky on his arm, but her face is still hard as nails. No plastic surgery can undo the drugs she’s done.
It’s funny how my anger is all directed at her. My meanness. But that’s normal, right? She’s the one trying to break up a relationship, or at least interfere with it. She’s the one who knowingly keeps reaching out and sending him selfies. That’s disgusting behavior. I tell myself that she’s the one who is obsessed with him, a sad, low-value woman who can’t take a hint.
But some small, insidious part of me whispers that maybe it’s not just her. That maybe he’s keeping her around, feeding her scraps of attention, enjoying her attention when he tells me she’s nothing but a pest.
Her texts look toxic, like his, but—I have to admit—slightly more reasonable. He hurls more insults, more comments that are derogatory to women, than she does to him.
The way he talks about her behind her back feels slimy, and I can’t shake the feeling I’m just the newest target of his games. Am I any different from her—just way prettier and smarter? Or am I just the one officially sitting next to him while he leads on another distraction.
The way he pleaded with her over text that they should both stop drinking because they would be ‘so much better together’… it was said in what could be interpreted as a platonic way, but could easily be misconstrued by someone who’s unhinged.
I’m beginning to feel like there’s more to the story than the version he’s given me.
Because in his version, she’s a psycho who is obsessed with his dick or something.
That she’s impossible to be around. Loud, jarring, gets banned from every place in town. Not very smart.
And he’s the innocent one, barraged by her attention, because he’s just so fucking adorable.
If that’s the case, he sure does have a pattern.
My own phone dings, and it’s Jennifer again.