Noah grimaces. “If that’s what you need.”
I poke at my food, my appetite now fully gone. My show of nonchalance masks the turmoil twisting inside. The thought of losing any of them makes my chest ache. My shoulder pain intensifies, as if to punctuate the emotions swirling around me.
What have I gotten myself into? Why did I ever think I could make it work with more than one of these testosterone-fueled men? I could never be enough for all of them. Hell, I might not even be enough for one of them.
I stare blankly at my half-eaten dinner, the clinking of silverware and awkward glances bouncing around the tense silence.
Part of me wants to take it back, to say I was just kidding about Kai. But why should I be the only one compromising here? If they want to put me through some twisted dating game, why not make them squirm a little too?
“So...dates. This should be interesting,” Killian says, trying to cut through the discomfort.
“Yeah, interesting,” Noah mutters.
I clear my throat. “Look, it doesn’t have to be weird. We’re friends first, right? So really, these are just...friend dates.”
Jayden nods slowly. “Right, just hanging out. Getting to know each other better.”
“Exactly. Keep it casual,” I say with false confidence. Inside, my thoughts churn while my stomach flip-flops.
Did I just make a huge mistake? What if this backfires and I end up losing them all? But I couldn’t just let them corner me into choosing one because they’re in some possessive alpha male delusion.
The more I think about it, the more I’m certain this was Noah’s idea. He’s the one I thought would be the most reluctant to share. And once one person isn’t okay with an arrangement like the one that was starting to emerge, it kind of fucks it for everyone else involved.
I push back my chair and grab my plate. “Well, I’m beat. Gonna call it a night. Thanks for the food.”
As I rinse off my dish, Jayden approaches tentatively. “Dyl, about all this...”
I cut him off. “We’ll figure it out. Goodnight.”
Before he can respond, I slip away to my bedroom, closing the door firmly behind me.
Flopping onto my bed, I let out a long breath. What a mess. But maybe this is the only way to really know. Or to show them how it feels to be put in this position.
I just hope we don’t destroy everything in the process.
I stare out my bedroom window at the twinkling city lights, feeling conflicted.
Part of me is thrilled by the idea of intimate dates with each of the guys. A chance to connect one-on-one and see if a deeper bond emerges.
But another part aches, knowing this could drive a wedge between us.
The easy camaraderie we’ve built as roommates and teammates hangs delicately in the balance. What would happen if I realized two of us clicked better than the others? Given what’s happened already, would it be possible to have a relationship with just one of them? Or is this all just fucked from the start?
I take out my journal, hoping to make sense of my tangled thoughts.
No matter what happens, I need to stay true to myself, I write.Even if it means risking everything. Love shouldn’t be about losing yourself, but finding where you truly belong.
As scary as it feels, this is the only way forward. For all of us to be honest about what we really want.
And for me to listen to my heart, even if it doesn’t follow the expected path.
I take a deep breath and close my journal. Whatever comes next, I know I can handle it. As long as I stay grounded in who I am.
With the guys, with rugby, with love—I need to trust my instincts. That’s when I’m at my best.
When I leap without overthinking. When I play from the heart.
That’s when magic happens.