As the first tear trails down my cheek, I begin to undress. With shaking fingers, I unbutton my blouse, my breath coming out in ragged gasps.
I can't let him see me crack.
As I lower my jeans, I glance around the room frantically for anything I could use as a weapon. There has to be something.
With my heart pounding in my chest, I slide off my underwear and ball them up, praying for a miracle.
Gerald knocks on the door in mock concern about my privacy, and he enters the room. "Is she ready?" he asks as his lascivious gaze rakes over my naked body, sending a wave of revulsion through me.
I will not break in front of him.
"Now, get on the bed." His voice is like ice, sending a shiver down my spine.
This is not the man who promised to take care of me, who promised me the world.
It's not the same man who was attentive in bed, making me feel like a queen.
That was a all a lie.
Steeling myself, I climb onto the bed, naked and exposed, leaving my crumpled clothes on the floor.
My stomach lurches as he makes a call on his radio and four men enter the room, and I realize what he means by 'entertainment'. He wants me to submit to whatever his men do to me, and I have no choice but to comply if I ever want to see Yara again.
If I want to keep her safe and avoid the same thing happening to her.
He really is trying to break me.
The men all undo their belt buckles and unzip their pants, and my stomach roils as I realize what's about to happen.
The next few hours are a blur of pain and humiliation.
I try my best to dissociate, thinking of Yara's face and the promise I made to come for her.
I will find a way out of this. We will both get through this nightmare, together.
They might be able to ravage my body, but they will never take away the love that burns so brightly in my soul for my precious girl.
When it's finally over, I lie on the ground, shaking uncontrollably. My body aches physically and emotionally, and I've never felt more alone in my life.
Gerald's men drag me to a filthy corner of the room, where I curl up into a ball, trying to disappear from the world.
I know that Gerald is trying to dismantle me entirely by doing this, trying to shatter my spirit so he can fully claim me as his.
And, as I look down at the blood trickling down my legs and feel the stinging, bruised sensation caused by what took place today, I realize this may well be the closest I've ever been to letting that happen.
I lie there for a while, stained with the evidence of my violation. I feel filthier than I've ever felt in my life, inside and out.
I want to scrub myself for hours, but I also realize that's not going to take away the damage that's been done inside me. To my mind, to my soul.
In any case, I need to find a way out of this deceptively pretty hellhole and fast.
A while later, I hear the familiar clip of Gerald's Oxfords approaching the room.
"You've done well," Gerald said coldly, as he enters. "Your girl will be untouched for now. But remember, little lamb, you're both mine now. Even if you are a filthy whore."
I force myself to meet Gerald's cold eyes, my own blazing with defiance. "You can't break me, Gerald. No matter what you do."
"Oh, we'll see about that," he smirks, his eyes cold as ice.