"Haha okay, I know I sound silly." I pause and bite my lower lip. "I'm guess I'm just… not used to this."
"Well, that's understandable," she replies. "Luchenko may have money, but thoughtfulness is not his strong suit."
Again, Dominika is the queen of understatements.
She continues. "He uses his finances as a weapon rather than something that can make people's lives better. That's what you grew to expect. And then after all the housing and food uncertainty… give yourself a break, Alina. For God's sake, you're hard on yourself. Let yourself feel comfortable with the idea that things can be good."
I sigh. "You're right. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The entire way over here I worried that I was forgetting something, as if I couldn't drive down to the store to get a toothbrush or something. And then I had a minor panic attack coming through immigration. And then meeting Gerald… the blood was rushing so hard in my ears I thought I was going to pass out."
"But you're safe now, Alina. Yara's safe. You're further from my diabolical brother-in-law than you've ever been. This is your chance to make a life for yourself, and for your daughter. A life that you've worked so hard for and that you've always dreamed of."
I frown. "But I feel so selfish, Nika. Maybe I should have kept us back there and just tried to do more of what I was doing. Picked up another job so we could stay somewhere nicer in a few months when I saved up enough money."
I feel myself spiraling as I consider all the what-if's.
"Alina? Listen to me," Dominika's voice is firm, as if she can see my mental state unraveling through the phone.
She knows me too well.
"I know this acceptance of people showing you kindness and generosity doesn't come easily to you. But I want you to remember, you're a great mother. And an equally wonderful friend and general human being. This is your time."
She pauses, as if trying to find the right words.
"Now, it's your turn to relax and enjoy the ride. Things can only go up from here."
I thank her and we hang up, agreeing to talk again soon. Pondering her words, I wonder if she's right.
Or if she just wants me to be happy so badly that she has blinders on, too.
That's the problem with being let down over and over again. At the first sense of opportunity for real happiness, you either jump into it while ignoring every possible red flag.
Or, perhaps worse, you start to conjure up red flags where there are none, robbing yourself of the potential for any actual joy.
Fuck, I hate being a human sometimes.
One thing is clear. Right now, good things are happening.
And I'm determined, for Yara's sake, to keep this string of good luck going for as long as it possibly can.
At the first sign of trouble, I'm out.
But for now, we get to enjoy everything positive that being with Gerald, and that being in America, can possibly bring.
Chapter 16
Alina
It's less than a week later that everything changes, and I begin to realize that Gerald really isn't what he has claimed.
That's as long as he's able to keep up the façade before it finally breaks down in an epic explosion.
It all starts when Yara refuses to eat the cereal that he picked out for her.
She's polite about it, but he takes it as insolence and slams his fist on the table, scaring her.
I immediately send her to her room, furious.
"She's not your child, Gerald. You can't discipline her like that," I try to explain.