“Hey Mark!” I fist-bumped him after I scanned my membership barcode.
Mark and I had been working together almost daily. Of course, most of the time he was off the clock, otherwise I would never be able to afford it. Once a week we would meet for our scheduled – on the clock – session and then other days we set-up times to workout together. He didn’t give the same courtesyto his other students, which made me feel slightly guilty, but he assured me if it bothered anyone, he would handle it.
He made me feel good about myself, he encouraged me, and most importantly, he pushed me. Mark told me I could potentially have a shot at going professional if I worked hard. Two months ago, I would have probably scoffed at the idea, but now? I wanted it. I was living all aspects of Muay Thai; eating, breathing, sleeping, dreaming. Shadowboxing in the kitchen while my coffee brewed, in front of the mirror while I brushed my teeth, playfully with Summer. It drove her absolutely crazy, but I know she will be in the front row of my first match, cheering me on.
“Give me all you’ve got. Don’t hold back,” Mark challenged me as I performed jab after jab and hook after hook. “Is this all you’ve got? Come on, Val.”
Tonight, there was something about his tone which shifted his face from being Mark into James, and I released all of my inhibitions. Tonight, I spun into a positive reality. Tossing in some spinning elbows and diagonal knees, my attempt at mastering this art form had boosted my confidence the more I practiced, and I looked forward to performing this dance with my first real opponent.
Then he tossed the guards down and off to the side of the mat and blocked my final uppercut. “Nice!” he encouraged. “You’re ready.”
“Ready?” I bent over and grabbed my water, tilting my head and squeezing a stream into my mouth. “For what?”
The following weekend, gyms all over the country were hosting open mats. I had planned on coming and supporting the other trainees who had been doing this way longer than I had. Never did I thinkIwould be ready to compete. “Come on, it will be fun.”
“Will I go against another female?” I hesitated, and Mark placed his hand on my shoulder to reassure me.
He cleared his throat, and I braced myself for his response. “You will get here, weigh in, and then you’ll match up with another female fighter in your weight class.”
“And experience?”
Mark pursed his lips together, I already knew what he was getting ready to say. “It will vary.” He paused, looking at the floor. Suddenly, I felt a finger beneath my chin, and he guided my face to look into his golden brown eyes. “You’ve got this. You train as much, if not more, than other fighters. You’re ready.”
This was the first time I felt slight uncertainty in our professional relationship. I shrugged it off, chalking it up to a supportive and encouraging moment. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“That’s my girl.” Mark fist bumped me and ran off to the locker room to get cleaned up and head home for the night. I watched until he was gone and then moved over to the bags, his words echoing in my mind.
I’m overthinking this, right?I hit the bag with a right hook.He’s not actually thinking this is more than what it is?Left hook.
“Crap!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the gym and I toppled to the ground. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, blinded by the LED lights the gym had just replaced.
James’ voice infiltrated my mind.You sure do enjoy leading people on, don’t you?
I got up and shook it off, kicking the bag one last time before turning to head to the locker room, peeling back the velcro of my gloves and pulling them off.
You’ve gotta get past this, Val. I tried to hype myself up. Praying one day I would be free as I entered the locker room, pulled my things from the locker and headed back to the showers.
???
“So, when's the open mat?” Summer inquired, stirring the chili. Before I could answer, she pulled out a spoon and practically shoved it into my mouth.
I got lost in the seamless blend of spices dancing across my tongue. This was, hands down, the best chili I’d ever tasted. “Mmm. Incredible! What’s your secret?”
Summer’s smile was radiant. “Chef’s secret.” My eyes nearly rolled back into my head as I tried to subtly reach for another taste. “Ah-ah!” She playfully smacked my hand. “You’ll have to wait just a few more minutes.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, heading to the table. “Open mat is this Saturday, by the way.”
“I’ll be there!” Summer announced cheerfully, presenting a bowl of chili as if it were a reward for letting the cat out of the bag. “It’s a new high-protein recipe I wanted to try out. You really like it?”
I dove in, indulging in the rich, flavorful chili. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. You’ve got a real talent.”
Summer’s cheeks flushed a light shade of pink; she also wasn’t used to receiving compliments, especially when it came to her cooking. “How are you feeling? Nervous, excited, do you have any clue as to who you will be fighting?”
With a shake of my head, I acknowledged my lack of self-reflection regarding my emotions. While a part of me felt weary and hesitant, another felt invincible and eager for a challenge. I’d been so busy I hadn’t had the time to dedicate to sorting through my conflicting feelings.
“Fair enough.” She took a bite of her own cooking. “Wow, you’re right, thisreallyis good.”
We sat together and laughed for the rest of the evening, talking about the hypotheticals of everything. What if I gotpaired up with someone who had been doing this for years, or if she was significantly taller or shorter than me? Soon, we fell into silence as we watched on-demand recordings of professional fights. I sat there and analyzed the moves, mentally practicing them.