Prologue
I launched out of bed, heart pounding, every inch of me slick with a cold sweat. My fingers grappled with the soaked fabric of my nightgown as I whipped my head around in a panic to check the other side of the bed.
Empty.
My hand hovered over the spot as I hesitated a moment before pressing it down into the cold, vacant space.
It was just a dream.
The relief flooding over me was immense. A cloud of emotion covered me as I looked over to the alarm clock sitting on my nightstand.Two forty-seven.I hadn’t even been asleep for two hours but I knew more sleep wouldn’t be coming. Not after my mind had forced me to relive the terror.
The nurses running in and out of the room.
The beeping of the heart monitor.
The inaudible words as I faded in and out of consciousness.
Him.
“Oh my God, Val. You’re okay.” James’ voice cracked and he sounded like the worried partner who was glad I had survived.
I knew better.
As his face came into focus his eyes were bloodshot, but I knew it wasn’t because he was concerned I wouldn’t wake up.
James leaned in and attempted to pull me into his embrace. His touch made my stomach churn.
I wanted to scream, but the words wouldn’t escape. My voice was hoarse and raspy from what I could only imagine had been a breathing tube shoved down my throat. I desperately needed to get the nurse's attention,somehow, and tell her whatever story they were told was all a lie, but I couldn’t move. ????I’m not even sure anyone would have believed me if I had.
His gaslighting had nearly convinced even me of an alternate reality. But laying there, in a hospital bed, things became clear.
I needed to leave, even if I didn't know where to go.
I needed time. Time I wasn't sure I still had.
One
Val
“The bitch deserved everything she got,” James snarled, slurring his words as the officers helped stabilize him. The smell of alcohol wafted in the air while they dragged him down the stairs just feet from where I was sitting, wrapped up in a black and red buffalo plaid blanket with my tears freezing against my cheeks.
A female officer approached me, but I was too out of it to notice. “Are you sure you’re okay to stay here alone tonight?” she inquired, leaning in and placing her hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch. She jerked backward quickly. “I’m so sorry, I should have known better.”
She should have, but I also wished I wasn’t in a position in which a hand lightly touching me on the shoulder didn’t trigger every single memory of the past few years.
“It’s okay.” I offered her a smile, attempting to reassure her I didn’t hold her mistake against her.
“Molly,” another female officer approached us. Her voice was stern, yet somehow still calming. “If you can’t monitor your actions better we are going to have to move you to a different department.”
“I’m-” Molly hung her head and kept her eyes focused on her feet. “Yes, ma’am.”
The other officer sat down on the step next to me so she could check on me. She attempted to talk me into changing my mind about going with the EMTs to get checked out. I didn’t need to though.
This time, I managed to call the police before things got too far out of hand. The officer wasn’t a fan of my final decision but still, she provided me with a list of phone numbers for local support groups in the area as well as next steps Ishouldtake. She emphasized the word "should" and gave me a piercing look.
The last thing I wanted was to be sitting in a room with others who had endured similar things to what I had. No offense to them, I just didn’t want to relive the experiences. I wanted the memories to die along with my relationship.
I watched as the officers got into their cars and drove off. James’ outline loomed in the backseat of the police car. Once the street darkened, the hustle and bustle of the excitement which had drawn my neighbors from their beds wore off.