Jenna kissed me eagerly, and I caressed her breasts and worked my fingers inside her, matching her pace as she rocked into my hand. She moaned and her movements quickened, but then her breathing faltered, not in a good way. She tightened around my fingers, her face scrunched up in frustration.
I sped up, trying desperately to bring her back to that place she was trying so hard to chase. “You good, Firefly?”
She groaned, but it sounded more disappointed than excited. I froze.
“No, don’t stop. Make me come, please,” she begged.
“What do you need?”
“I don’t know!”
I crooked my fingers slowly, deep, and firm, then I tried moving them faster, but she was so tight and unyielding, I had to pull back and gently work in one finger. She thrust her hips against me like she was desperately seeking what she’d lost—physically and emotionally. I tried. I fingered her and kissed her and played with her breasts, but the light in her eyes dimmed. I stilled, unwilling, incapable, of touching her like this.
Teardrops glistened on her lashes. “It’s already ruining everything.”
I pulled out, scooping her up and dragging her into my arms. “No, Firefly. Nothing is ruined. It’s normal to not be into it when this is all going on. When you’re in the right mood, it’ll be justas good as before. This doesn’t mean anything more than it’s not the right time.”
Her face buried in my chest, she sniffled. “I hate being afraid. I’m so scared it’ll take over my life again and ruin everything.” She lifted her head and met my eyes. “Do you really believe fear can make me stronger, like you said?”
The knife to my heart felt so fucking real I was afraid I’d actually bleed on her.
“Yes, Firefly. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You knew more fear younger than any child ever should, but you’ve grown so much since then. You’re strong and you’re brave and you’re in control of how you handle that fear now. And you’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
“I want to handle it. I don’t want to be a victim. Don’t want to feel like a victim.”
“You’re a survivor, not a victim. And you’ll survive this threat too.”
“What do we do?”
I couldn’t have this conversation with her naked and so vulnerable. “Want to get dressed?”
She sighed and nodded, and I helped her up to re-dress, then pulled her back onto my lap. “This okay?”
“Yeah.” She snuggled into me. “Now what?”
“First thing is to face it head-on. No more denying or minimizing or hiding anything from each other. Deal?”
Jenna nodded. “Deal.”
“I already started talking to my contacts, and I’ll call in as many people as I need. We’re going to talk to the cops too. I’ll teach you everything I can, and I’ll be your bodyguard, all day, all night, every day until this guy’s behind bars or dead. And if it gets worse, we’re leaving.”
“Leaving?”
“I have contacts all over the country that will help us hide out if we need it. People I trust with my life and yours. I’m not taking any chances with your safety.”
“Thank you,” she said, nuzzling even closer.
“Anything for you. Always.” I wanted to promise that I’d never let her be hurt again, but we both knew I couldn’t guarantee that. I’d die trying, though.
Jenna pushed away from me and quickly stood. “I’m ready. You have weights here, right? But probably not anything I could use. Can you take me to the store to buy some? I should probably spend more time lifting than I usually do.” She looked ready to sprint to the store.
I snagged her hand. “I’ll teach you moves that you can do just the way you are. Your size is good; it will help with the element of surprise.”
“Okay, let’s go. Teach me.” Jenna bounced on the balls of her feet, hands fisted, like this was a movie and she was starting her training montage.
I’d planned on going to the police station first, but I couldn’t deny her anything. If this is what she needed, this is what we’d do. Besides, this was important, too. It was a rare and beautiful thing, the way she wanted to think the best of everyone, even when she had every reason not to. If she was this amazing now with just some hope and blind faith, imagine if she also had confidence that if shit went sideways, she’d have a fighting chance of keeping herself safe…she’d be unstoppable. Her light would brighten the whole fucking world.
I just had to figure out how to give her that without traumatizing her in the process.