Surprisingly, she calmed as we waited in line, and resolve seemed to replace her nerves. She stepped into the Ferris wheel car with purpose, only to jump at the click of the door closing. She stared down at the park as the ride slowly ascended, pausing often to let people board the cars behind us. Other than holding her hand, I left her to her own thoughts, although I watched her carefully. I didn’t like the possibility of her having a flashback or panic attack while trapped ninety feet in the air.
When we were near the top, and the people on the ground looked like little specks, she finally met my eyes. Her beautiful blues were filled with steel.
“Firefly?”
She didn’t answer. Just moved our clasped hands to her upper thigh. To dangerous territory.
“Touch me,” she finally said.
What the fuck was I supposed to do? I’d give her anything she needed or wanted. But there’s no way this whole thing was just her acting on a whim or a fantasy. It had to be unhealthy for her to use me to get through her memories. What if I became entangled in them in her mind?
“Liam, touch me, please. I need you to.”
I still hesitated, and she twisted, throwing her leg over mine to straddle me. I grabbed her hips to stop her from moving any closer, but she leaned in, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing the hell out of me. Fuck, my damn cock didn’t get the message that she wasn’t there for him. I held her hip firmly inone hand and cradled her cheek with the other, pushing her back and forcing her to meet my eyes. “Talk to me, Firefly.”
She held my gaze, so brave. “I was eight, and I was so excited to go on all the rides. We went on the swings first, so we each had our own swing, and it was like I was flying. I loved it. Couldn’t wait for more. Then we went on the Ferris wheel and he... It was bad. But he convinced them my tears were proof I was scared of the rides and needed him to go on more with me.”
“Jenna,” I whispered, caressing her cheek. My heart cracked for the little girl she’d been.
“I hated rides and amusement parks, but you know what?”
“What?”
“It's not the parks or the rides, and it's not me either. It’s him. Brian fucking Belke. I don’t want it to be everything anymore, Liam.”
“It’s not, Firefly. You’re already so far past that.”
“It’s still too much. Help me face my fears. Replace those memories with good ones.”
She had no idea what she was asking of me. “Just a little, Firefly. None of our big firsts are going to be here, not like this. Not because of him.”
“Okay.” Her voice fucking shook.
“Sit in your seat for now. When we get to the top again, we'll make this a ride you’ll want to remember.”
She nodded, sitting back down next to me. “Thank you,” she murmured.
I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer. “We don’t have to, and we can stop anytime. You don’t have to do any more than you want.”
“I have to do this.”
“No,” I insisted. “You neverhaveto do anything you don’t want.”
“Iwantto do it.”
I cupped her face with my free hand. “You’ll tell me if you stop wanting it.”
She nodded.
Spearing my hand into her hair, I held her gaze. “I love you, Firefly.”
She gasped, lips parting in surprise before blooming into a smile so warm and soft it felt like the first rays of sunrise breaking through the darkness.
“I didn’t plan to tell you today. Definitely not in the middle of a thing about that asshole. But I want you to know. When I touch you, I want you to know I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Happiness shone in her beautiful eyes, pushing away the ghosts lurking there, for the moment at least.
The lights and sounds from the park faded away, and it was just me and Jenna on top of the world. “We’re almost at the top,” I said softly. “What do you want to do?”