But first, caffeine and sugar were needed, and Liam would have to forgive me for going out for it. The only coffee available in the library tasted like the coffeemaker doubled as an ashtray. Luckily, Joe’s was right across the street, and they had great coffee and pastries. They didn’t deliver, unfortunately, but it was quick enough to run across whenever I needed a coffee fix.
I would’ve loved a quick walk around the block to clear my head too, but that was explicitly off-limits. Liam made my unreasonable mistrust and paranoia look tame. I’d reluctantly agreed not to go anywhere alone, especially not to go out walking or jogging alone. My first reaction was to refuse, but truthfully, even though I wanted to pretend I was fine, I was shaken. What if I’d been alone at the park? I’d been walking Thor there by myself every week. What was the chance that the one day Liam came with me, a rapist was there? What if he’d been there other times and I’d just gotten lucky? What if he was one of the many men I’d seen before who gave me the chills, but I’d scolded myself for being paranoid, so I’d smiled and wished them a good day? Or what if I was right when I thought Snake Eyes could be the same man at the park who’d saidPardon me? And if he’d been at the park once, there was a chance he could’ve been there other times. Maybe yesterday…
The way he’d looked me up and down in the library. The way his hand had clamped around my arm when he tried to help me up. Even the memory of it made my skin crawl like I’d walked through a spider web. Even knowing it was in my head, I couldn’t resist brushing away the phantom feeling. But the web was never really the problem, was it? The spider was. Where, or more importantly, who was it? Snake Eyes, someone else I’d seen before, or a stranger...and was he still there? Watching me? Waiting for me?
I hurried down the sidewalk, past the parking lot, searching for a boogeyman instead of enjoying the fresh air, and thatpissed me off. I waited at the crosswalk for the light to change, looking into the windows of every dark SUV that passed.
I rushed across the street and into Joe’s, pulling in a deep, satisfying breath of coffee-scented air as the door clicked shut behind me. It was a small place, and I could easily see the few people here, all acting normal. I was alright. I still didn’t feel safe, though. Still couldn’t relax, couldn’t shake off the chill I’d felt since last night. I just wanted to go home, lock myself inside, and hide away. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was okay. Anyone could be a bad guy. Even any of these perfectly normal-looking people. It was impossible to know who was or wasn’t evil. It was impossible to do enough to keep myself safe. And it felt impossible to pretend that I was okay with that.
I felt myself shriveling up inside. Shrinking in on myself, wanting to be as small as possible, to hide away where no one would pay me any attention. Hide so well that even if he was here, he wouldn’t notice me. I didn’t even know whichheI was worried about. They all felt like too much. The rapist. Brian. Snake Eyes. Liam.
Just as I stepped onto the short line, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Liam: Hey, crazy coincidence just happened
Despite my mounting panic, my heart did a funny little rumble in my chest at the sight of his name. I didn’t have time to linger, but I left the line and sat at a table in the corner to call him anyway. I desperately wanted to feel better, and maybe talking to him could do that.
“Hey! What happened?” I asked as soon as he answered, summoning my enthusiasm and pushing down all my other emotions.
He hesitated. When he finally spoke, his voice was tight. “Where are you?”
Uh oh. Busted. “At Joe’s, getting coffee.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes. And I’m perfectly fine.” Well, mostly fine and a little nervous, but I wasn’t going to feed into his worries. “What’s your crazy coincidence?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back to normal territory.
“Did you walk there?” Of course, he couldn’t be deterred that easily.
“Yes, Liam,” I said, forcefully. “It’s right across the street. If I tried to drive, I would’ve had to park farther away than the walk from the library. I’m fine. Now, what’s your crazy coincidence?”
He sighed, but luckily, he let it go. “So, funny story. I ran into Hayden, and she said she was off tonight and would love to join you, Nicky, and Juliette for a girls’ night.”
So, he wasn’t actually letting anything go. “You just happened to run into her?”
“Well, maybe I accidentally pocket dialed her and then we started talking?”
“Liam.”
“Please don’t be mad,” he pleaded. “She really is happy to go.”
I pushed away the part of me that was swooning at his protectiveness and was more than willing to hide in the shelter he was offering, and I tried to inject a convincing amount of disapproval in my voice. “Liam, no. I don’t need a sheriff’s deputy to be my bodyguard.”
“Please? I’ll concentrate better at work knowing you’re safe.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s true. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened if I wasn’t at the park with you. I need to know you’re safe.”
“I’m trying to go on like normal and not be nervous about that, and you’re making it harder.”
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to feel scared, but sometimes being scared is what keeps you safe. Please, just for a little while until we know what’s happening, be cautious.”
He was overreacting to a random rape in the park. But this was nothing compared to how he’d react if he knew about Snake Eyes. I knew I had to tell him, and I would soon, but I wasn’t ready to face that yet. Accepting this was the least I could do. And, much as I hated to admit it, I would feel better with Hayden there. “Fine.”
“Thank you,” he murmured, his voice softening. “She’ll be there shortly before eight, okay? Let me go so I can tell her.”
He sounded relieved, like I did him a favor by agreeing, and that was ridiculous, because despite all the emotions this stirred up, the deepest one was appreciation for how safe he made me feel. “Liam, wait.”