“Bye, Mom and Dad,” Liam said over her.
“Bye, Patty and Mike!” I rushed out before Liam clicked it off.
“I love them!” I gushed. I’d never seen a family so enthusiastic and in sync. They shouted out ideas and interrupted each other, but in a good way, feeding off each other, not speaking over one another. Their energy was amazing.
“They love you too.” Liam stood, offering a hand to help me up, and once I was on my feet, he gently pulled me into a hug. His arms encircled me, the front of his body grazing mine. My heart stuttered, waiting for the feel of his erection, bracing for the barrage of emotions it would unleash.
I have to get through this to move forward with him. I want to move forward with him. Therefore, I have to want this.
Liam kissed the top of my head and smoothed a hand over my hair, holding me close. I closed my eyes and froze, waiting for it.
For his body to react.
For my body to react to his.
He tensed, pushing me back to arm’s length, then he slowly leaned in to kiss my forehead and moved away again.
I hung my head, eyes still squeezed closed. I couldn’t face him. Didn’t want to see what was in his eyes.
“Look at me, Jenna,” he said softly.
I shook my head.
“Please, Firefly. I need you to look at me.”
I couldn’t refuse that. “I’m sorry.” My breath caught when I met his eyes. They were so full of concern and sympathy and guilt.
“You have nothing to apologize for.I’msorry. I was caught up in the moment. Seeing you with my parents like that… I could see you in my life, in my family. I got carried away.”
“Hugging me is hardly getting carried away. I overreacted.” Just because I was afraid Imightfeel his penis, but I didn’t even make it long enough or close enough for that to happen. I didn’t tell him that part, though.
“It upset you…scared you…so it was too much. I’ll take whatever you want to give, and I’ll never demand anything more.”
“You can try asking for more. I want more. It’s just, sometimes, when I try to, I start to feel…disgusted. Like, it triggers not just thoughts and emotions, but physical reactions that I can’t control. And that frustrates me, because I want it. I want you. I want to get past this more than I ever have before so I can be with you.”
Liam brought his hand up to my cheek, his warm, strong fingers so gentle. “Youarewith me. There’s no rush for more. We have all the time in the world.”
The tiniest tendril of hope began to bloom in my chest. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, Firefly. It’s only been a few days since our first date, but this has been building between us for a long time. I know how I feel about you.”
“I have a lot of baggage, especially when it comes to sex.”
“I hate that for you, but it’s not going to push me away, and we’ll do things your way. As slow as you need.” He hesitated, his expression softening even more. “When you’re ready, I’d love for you to tell me. I’m in the dark here, and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you because of it.”
“You won’t hurt me. And I do want you to know. It’s just hard to talk about.” I smiled and tried to inject some lightness into my voice. “Now, let’s clean these dishes so we can pick a game for me to whoop your butt at.”
“Leave the dishes. I’ll do them later.”
“No way. You did all the cooking. I’ll help you clean up.” Besides that being fair, he’d cleaned up meticulously as he cooked. He was definitely not the kind of person who’d leave it for later. It might be sweet if he was just eager to enjoy our time together, but I didn’t think that was it. He wanted to distract me because he thought I was on the brink of freaking out.
“Fine. There isn’t much to do anyway,” he conceded. And then he proceeded to wash all the dishes himself, despite my insistence.
“I can handle drying a pan.” I grabbed it before he could and gathered my courage as I dried it. “I’m okay, you know. I’m going to freak out sometimes, and it’ll probably happen more as we’re, you know, getting started. But I know it’s just in my head, and I’ll get over it. I need you to be okay with that. If you make a big deal of it, or if something as simple as washing dishes gets derailed because I freaked out, then it’ll take over our lives. And I don’t want that.”
“I can’t just ignore you being in distress.” His brow furrowed, drawing two little lines on his forehead, as though the thought was despicable.
“You don’t have to ignore it, just…roll with it.”