Except, of course, some of those things I did to prove I wasn’t afraid were actually terrifying. It probably wasn’t the safest or smartest time in my life, but luckily, I survived without any incidents—just a few panic attacks—and I did prove the desired point to myself.
Since then, I’d come up with my rules, which tempered my fearlessness by adding “Don’t be reckless,” and eventually, I found that sweet spot of being just the right amount of scared: too scared meant I was being reckless, and not scared at all meant I was playing it too safe. Going to bars without drinking was the right kind of scary. So was walking Thor in well-populated parks, wearing long skirts with cropped leggings hidden underneath, and being friendly to people, even random men, as long as we weren’t alone and they weren’t too close.
But now I was on the verge of breaking all my rules and promises. Going to graduation? Terrifying, and broke my first promise (never see Brian again). Not going to graduation?Heartbreaking, and broke my second promise (not allowing fear to run my life).
Then there was Snake Eyes… I hated how he was making me feel and act. I just prayed he fell on the right side of rule number one: most people are good.
And what about Liam? I wanted to be fearless when it came to him, reckless even. Barrel in at full speed and hope to enjoy it before all this crap caught up with us. Except, that was also terrifying.
Thor gave me a big, wet kiss like he understood.
“What should we do, baby? Should we forget them all and hide out in here, just you and me? You’d like that, right?”
He cocked his head, his forehead furrowed.
“No?”
He tilted his head to the other side, deep understanding in his gentle eyes.
“Ugh, you’re right.” I sighed and kissed his wrinkly little forehead. “I’m not going to be afraid. I’m not afraid to walk you, I’m not afraid of some random guy in the library minding his own business, and I’m not afraid to go out with Liam.”
Thor snuggled closer and huffed in agreement.
“Good idea, let’s go back to sleep. I refuse to be tired for my date with Liam because of a stupid nightmare.”
I curled back into the corner of my bed, shifting Thor in front of me, and wondered what it would feel like to cuddle with Liam. I thought it might feel nice. Safe. I didn’t fall back to sleep for a long time.
I’m not sure what was most unsettling: remembering those beady eyes on me, the lingering effects of my nightmare, or the thought that I wanted Liam there with me. Holding me. Kissing me. I wanted things I’d never wanted before, and I wasn’t sure what to do about that. It confused me because I hated hugs, but I thought I might like one from Liam.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Liam
I sat on the bench outside Jenna’s building, ignoring the sidelong looks I got. I couldn’t help that I was a big dude. But then I watched Jenna scan the parking lot before she even stepped out of her car, and the second she saw me, her tension eased and her eyes lit up, so fuck everyone else. Her peace was all I cared about. I’d gladly sit there and scare her neighbors everyday if I could give her that.
She hurried toward me, her skirt, white with big teal flowers, swishing around her legs, her blond hair flowing. But it was her smile that stole my breath.
“Hi, Liam.” Her eyes shined even brighter than usual. Yeah, she was definitely happy to see me, and I felt the same.
I reached for Jenna and drew her into a loose embrace, dipping my head to rest my forehead against hers. “Hi,” I whispered into her hair, belatedly returning her greeting. I’d been waiting for seventeen and a half hours too long for this hug,and I yearned to cocoon her in my arms, but I didn’t. Instead, I kept her close while barely touching her.
“Hi,” she repeated.
I reluctantly pulled back, and she blinked up at me, the glazed look in her eyes slowly clearing.
A long, charged moment later, we made our way inside. In the elevator, I asked. “May I come in while you get ready?”
Jenna nodded. “Of course.”
“There’s no ‘of course’ about it. We don’t do anything unless you’re comfortable with it. Understand?”
Emotion swirled in her beautiful blue eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.
I brushed my lips against hers. “Always. You decide what’s okay.”
“Thor’s going to be really excited to meet you. He’ll jump on you.”
“It’s okay. That’s what dogs do.”