I jabbed the buttons, pushing the treadmill faster, desperate for a pace where I could no longer think and run at the same time. Why in the world did I send those texts?
I’d been too caught up in the way he smiled at me over the phone, like he was so happy to see me, and the sweet way he wanted his friends to know about us. Then there was my worry about him being out on a call.
At least before, when it was just verbal, I could still deny it. Could I declare temporary insanity and take it back? That’s the only explanation I had for why I’d texted him and once again agreed to be anus.
But then I texted him again to say I was excited for Friday. And again to say I was worried and to ask him to text me when he was back at the station.
I did want to move things along with him. I liked him in a way I’d never liked anyone before. He made me want things I’d never wanted before. And I wanted itnow. Before I chickenedout, before I panicked and screwed it up, before he realized I was more work than I was worth.
Well, he saw my messages, and he wrote back, super sweet, of course. I’d agreed to be anus. A couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend. No backsies now. So I guess the only thing left to do was figure out how the heck to be his girlfriend.
I kept a close eye on my phone at the gym and while I got ready, but he didn’t text or call, so I didn’t either. He’d finished up late last night, and I didn’t want to wake him if there was a chance he could still be sleeping. Instead, I waited until I got to work and parked in my usual spot before I finally texted him. I had to break the ice before I started my day, or I’d go crazy.
Me: Good morning! If no calls come in, do you get to sleep in after a late night? I hope you do. Have a good day! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!
I had ten minutes before my shift started, so I sat in the car and scrolled through my phone, waiting to see if he’d write back. I texted my parents, knowing they were getting ready for work and would reply with just a quick acknowledgment, which was all I was in the mood for. That would satisfy the need to keep in touch for a few days. I didn’t want to talk to Tyler, but I needed to. I sucked in a deep breath and hovered over his name. No reason to put it off. At least I could honestly tell him I only had a minute to talk.
A prickle whispered down the back of my neck. I hated letting Ty down, I hated lying to him, and I really hated that Brian was still controlling my life. But I’d hate letting down my thirteen-year-old self even more. I promised her we’d never see Brian again, and I was sticking to it. I tried to shake off the uneasy feeling. This was the right decision. But my skin crawled and ashiver ran down my spine, and I felt like I was being watched again. The threat didn’t feel like an old memory or worry about seeing Brian. It felt real, and it felt close.
Afraid to look, but more afraid not to, I glanced out my window.
A man looked back at me.
I snapped my head around to face forward, swallowing the scream that threatened to burst out. Barely breathing, I glanced into the car next to mine again. A gray baseball cap, old and faded with a white drawing of a house, cast shadows over his face, but it didn’t hide his small, beady eyes, so dark they looked almost black. A thin smile crept across his face, and a whimper crawled up my throat. I recognized that smile. And those creepy snake eyes.
I shifted into reverse, and with a quick glance in the mirror, I backed out of the spot and sped out of the lot. Away from him.
I’d tell Jim, the security guard, as soon as I got back to the library. I didn’t know what he’d do, but he could keep an eye out. Jim was a nice guy, and maybe he could have held his own years ago, but I didn’t have much faith in him in an actual emergency. Not that this was an emergency.
I made a random right and drove in a circle around the block. No cars followed. I did it again. Still no one behind me. I tried to shake off the choking fear and turned back to the library, mentally connecting the dots, planning what I’d tell Jim.
On Monday, he’d stood close to me while we searched for that book, and he’d tried to help me up after I’d kneeled down for it. The next two days after that, he’d sat and read books within view of me but never approached. Never said or did anything at all, in fact. Oh, and I didn’t see that man, so it might not have even been the same person. Well, with the hat Fran described, it probably was him. Today he’d sat in his car, and when I looked over, he’d smiled at me. He drove a black SUV, and a fewdays ago I saw a dark SUV that may or may not have been the same one leaving the library after closing. And there was slight possibility I saw him at a local park a few weeks ago.
Dang it. I was judging him unfairly for how he looked. Had he done anything at all suspicious? Anything at all worth reporting? No. He hadn’t.
The library was full of repeat patrons. It was practically a guarantee Snake Eyes wasn’t the only person who was there so many times this week. It actually all made a lot of sense. I’d never seen him before, which fit with him coming from out of town, reading about things to do in San Antonio, and visiting a local park. He was probably sitting in his car waiting for the library to open, and he smiled because we’d met before and I’d looked over at him. His awkward smile could even be from feeling uncomfortable since he was new to the area, and instead of smiling back, I ran away.
So what if he was awkward? I was awkward around people all the time. I hated when people misinterpreted my wariness as unfriendliness, yet here I was doing the same to him. Or maybe he was self-conscious about his cold-blooded killer eyes, and that was why he wore the hoods and hats, and I was rudely judging him for both.
I’d felt uneasy on Monday, because, what…he’d been more polite and helpful than I was comfortable with? Because he’d helped me look for the book instead of just stepping back and waiting for me to find it?
Yep, I was crazy. Judgmental. Afraid of the boogeyman. My fear wasn’t even helpful. In my panic, I hadn’t noticed the make, model, or license on his car.
Even if I was just a paranoid psycho, I still hoped my theory about him visiting was true and that it was only a short trip. But even if he stuck around as a frequent visitor, I’d be okay. I pulled back into the lot and parked in the first open space, the oppositeside from where I usually parked. From where he’d been. A red car was in his spot now, and I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved that he was gone, or worried that I didn’t know when he’d come back.
I stepped out of my car, rolled my shoulders back, and lifted my head high. I adjusted my skirt, feeling for the seam on the leggings beneath, reminding myself they were there. My suit of armor. A skirt to show the world I wasn’t afraid. I was calm and confident, comfortable with my body, safe in my own skin. Ready to take on the world. And always with shorts or cropped leggings hidden underneath because wearing a skirt would give anyone who wanted it stupidly easy access.
It was the longest day ever. I didn’t see him again, but I jumped at every sound. I had to pee, but I was afraid of getting caught alone in the bathroom. I ignored Tyler’s texts asking if I’d talked to Izzy yet, and I also ignored a bunch of texts from Liam. I didn’t want to talk to him when I was feeling so...unsure. I’d reverted back to how I used to be, instead of the way I’d worked hard to become, the way I was proud to be.
I finished straightening up the library as quickly as I could, with one eye on the entryway, and within minutes of closing time, we were ready to go. I wouldn’t be caught in an empty lot tonight, no way.
“Hey Izzy.” I hated how weak I was for doing this, but it was better than being reckless. “My car sounded a little off this morning. Would you mind staying with me for a minute to make sure it starts?”
“Of course. Do you have a good mechanic? I can give you the number for mine.”
“No thanks, it’s not too bad. I may have even just imagined it. If it happens again, I’ll take it in.” I hated lying, but I didn’t wantto tell her and make a big deal out of nothing, nor did I want to be alone.
She shrugged, looking skeptical, making me feel even worse. “If you’re sure…”