It looked nothing like the room I’d been attacked in. It looked safe and welcoming. “I love it.” I wrapped my arms around Liam, relief flooding through me, quieting the panic. I’d been so afraid I’d never be okay in here.
“It’s beautiful.” He smoothed a hand over my hair, tilting my face up to meet his assessing eyes. “You’re good?”
“Yeah, I—” I jumped at the sound of footsteps, belying my words.
He tightened his grip on me but stayed relaxed. “Easy, it’s just Izzy.”
“Sorry!” She paused as she saw our intimate position.
“It’s okay. You just surprised me.”
“Sorry,” she said again, hesitating. “Are you okay being here?”
“Yeah, it looks so different than it did…before.” I stepped away from Liam and went to Izzy, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you for finishing it up. You did an amazing job.”
“It’s the least I could do. I’m s?—”
“Don’t you dare apologize again. It’s not your fault.”
“If I didn’t leave early?—”
“Then he would have found another time. Maybe when Liam wasn’t only a few minutes away. Please stop blaming yourself.”
“I’ll try,” she said, forcing a smile.
Through one of the windows, I watched a few parents and kids start to filter in, signaling the official start of the day. I smiled at the muted voices, Oliver’s standing out above all the rest. They were muffled compared to how it would be out in the main children’s area, but still easily heard, making this a quieter room, but not so quiet that it could hide someone being attacked.
“It’s open,” Oliver yelled, running in. He stopped short and spun in a circle, eyes on the stars. “Wow.”
Maddie and a few of the other regulars came in, too, equally in awe. They made quick work of testing out every teepee, beanbag, stool, and sensory toy.
“We’re going to have a lot of cleaning up to do,” Izzy said with a laugh.
I chuckled too, amazed I could laugh in here. “Yeah, but they love it.”
“This is incredible,” a soft, familiar voice said from the entrance.
“Nicky! Juliette! You guys came!”
“Of course, we wouldn’t miss it.” They wrapped me up in a group hug. “We’re so proud of you. You pulled off something amazing for these kids, and you’re here with a smile on your face.”
“I love you guys.”
“Love you, too,” Nicky said.
“Love you,” Juliette said, wiping a tear off my cheek.
Liam and I flew to Atlanta that night, and the next morning, as we lay snuggled together in the hotel room before graduation, he asked, “Are you really okay?”
“Yeah, I really am.” I was still working on being more honest, more authentic. It was hard sometimes, but it felt good, and with time and practice, it was getting easier. This answer was easy, though. Nestled here in Liam’s arms, with the success of yesterday and excitement for today, I was better than okay.
The children loved the sensory room, and I’d been surprisingly unbothered by it. Of course, I’d only been there for a couple of hours, and Liam, Juliette, and Nicky, plus a circus of kids had been there. I knew at some point—or maybe many times—I’d be alone in there and probably freak out, but for now, it felt like I’d be able to handle it.
If—when—any issues came up, I’d discuss them with my new therapist, Bonnie. Bonnie was awesome. She was like a wise old friend. So easy to talk to, and she was already helping me reframe my self-blame and place the responsibility back where it belonged: on Brian and Snake Eyes. Bonnie said that was a big step in learning to trust my gut. Liam came to a couple of sessions, too, and thank goodness, he was also working on letting go of his misplaced guilt.
I loved living with Liam. The past few weeks had been the best of my life. We had incredible sex in every room of the house in every position, something I’d never take for granted. We had a very serious Connect Four tournament going on. Between Liam’s home-cooked meals, working out with him, self-defense lessons, and increasingly adventurous sex, I felt stronger and healthier than ever—body, mind, and soul.
Liam had gone back to work two weeks ago, leaving me home alone for days at a time, which I also needed. I felt so happy and safe with him, but I needed those days and nights where I struggled a little. The first few times he worked, Juliette and Nicky stayed over, and Hayden had even stopped by, which was great. They offered to keep staying with me, but I declined. The first few nights alone were hard, and I did panic a bit, but I clung to Thor and my giant stuffed ring-tailed lemur and I got through it. I needed to know I could still handle that. Thor loved it there too, and he was getting better socialized with our friends coming over so often, especially the guys. Maybe we both were.