My balls drew up against my body, and she grabbed them with her other hand.
“I’m going to come,” I warned.
“Come.”
I locked my eyes on her, watching her watch me, and thank God I did, because just as the first spurt shot out, she leaned over, lowering her mouth to me. “No!” I shouted hoarsely, wrapping my hand around hers and angling my cock to my stomach.
She didn’t stop, but at least she missed most of it. She lapped up the last drops and my cock jerked, the greedy bastard clueless how bad that was.
I gently took hold of her upper arms and pulled her to my side. “Enough, Firefly. Come here.” She settled in against me, but I realized she was leaning on my chest, staring at my mess.
“Sorry, one sec.” I reached over her to grab the pillow that she hadn’t used since I’d been her pillow, pulled off the pillowcase, and cleaned myself with it. “Sorry,” I repeated. I rolled it up and almost tossed it on the floor, but Thor was down there, so I shoved it under my pillow.
“Don’t apologize. I did it.”
“Are you okay?”
She leaned against the headboard, wrapping her arms around her knees, and called Thor. He leaped onto the bed, and I hurried to sit next to her and pull the blanket up to our chests before he hogged it all. She watched him circle round and round and lay on her feet before she finally looked up at me.
“I waited because I was scared to do that, and look what happened. I’m done being scared.” Her voice dropped and her jaw set, resolve flaring as though she could fix the whole fucked up world through sheer tenacity. “Everything that happened, happened because I was scared. I refuse to waste any more time being scared with you. For what? To let someone else attack me?I was stupid to think it would get better with time. That just gave me more time to stay scared. More opportunity for bad things to happen.”
Dammit. I should have known that fierceness was a double-edged blade, directed at herself just as much as the bastards who deserved it, and she was slaying me with it too. “Jenna, nothing that happened is your fault.”
“It is! Early on, Brian and I were on the couch in his basement, and he pulled his penis out of his pants, and took my hand and had me jerk him off. First, he kept his hand over mine, showing me what to do. Then he told me to keep doing it while he put his hand under my skirt. Guess what I did while he touched me? I kept jerking him off. Then his mom knocked on the door and said dinner was ready, and guess what I did? Nothing! I stayed quiet like he told me to, and I jerked him off and let him finger me! He said we were about to win atCall of Dutyand asked for five more minutes. Well, we weren’t done in five minutes. Guess I wasn’t that good at hand jobs yet. She came back, and we heard her on the stairs, so we quickly fixed our clothes, and he turned onCall of Dutyand said we’d be right up. And guess what I did? Nothing! Then she came all the way down. She was right there, looking at us, talking to us, and I just waited for her to leave so we could continue. You know why? Because he told me to. And I was too scared and dumb to do anything, so I stayed, and I finished him off.”
Motherfucker. I felt sick that I’d just enjoyed a hand job from her. I should’ve stopped her. I should’ve known. “You were a child and you were scared, trapped in a situation no child should have to get themselves out of. It’s not your fault.”
“That scared child who let those things happen to her grew into a scared adult. So obviously scared that, within seconds of meeting me, Snake Eyes knew I’d be a fun victim. He said that, Liam. I’m not making it up. That’s why he chose me.” A sob torethrough her. “He wanted to viciously rape me, then chop me up with a saw, just because he liked that I was scared of him.”
I wrapped my arms around her, and she leaned into me, violently shaking. There were no words to make that horror better.
“How am I ever going to go back to work or the park or anywhere? How am I going to walk by a stranger and act normal—not like a scared victim—if I’ll never know until too late if he’s normal or a psycho rapist?”
“Firefly, it’s been less than a day. It’s going to take time and therapy and support, but it’s going to get easier, and I’ll be by your side every step of the way, no matter how long it takes.”
“I’m scared I’ll never be okay again.”
“You will be, Firefly. I know you will be.”
She took a deep breath and let it shudder out. Slowly, she nodded. “When I was younger, my first dream job was to be like Jane Goodall and live in the jungle with chimpanzees. Then I wanted to be a writer and live in a cabin in the woods like a recluse, just me and my books for company.”
“Yeah?” If she was taking this where I thought she was…God, my heart ached for her, for all the pain and fear she’d been carrying for so damn long.
“So there’s always options, right?” She looked up at me, the saddest, bravest smile on her face. “I’ll find a way to make it work.”
“I have no doubt you’ll make it work, and I think it’s going to be better than living in the wilderness, but if that’s what makes you happy and safe, I’ll take up a specialty in forest fires.”
Jenna clambered into my lap and wrapped her arms around me. My hands immediately went to her hips to hold her back, but she pushed them off and brought her arms up around my neck, pulling herself closer. “I want—I need—it all with you, Liam. I’ve craved this closeness with you for a long time, andwhen I thought he was going to kill me, I regretted every second I wasted. You’re the only thing I’m not scared of.”
We held each other close, our heavy breath and pounding hearts the only sounds in the room.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Jenna
Liam’s big, strong hands held me warm and safe against him, and the rhythmic movement of his breaths lulled me into a relaxation I didn’t think was possible. Not in this position, and not after yesterday. But my body was slowly melting into his.
I’d been on the verge of doing more with him so many times, but then I always thought,It’s so good, I’m so glad we’re doing this, at least—whateverthiswas at the time—that I’d been scared to push myself too far and ruin it. Where did that get me? I could have died without ever experiencing this closeness. And now I had another nightmare to haunt me, to hold me back. I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to fight my demons out in the real world, but I was determined to do it with Liam.