Should I follow his advice to take the lead position too? I opened up the email from my supervisor again.
Juliette,
Please reviewthe attached information regarding applying for the position of Lead Therapist. I think that you would be a great fit.
She thoughtI’d be a great fit? There were twenty OTs and PTs who could fill that role, and all of them spoke clearer than me. I was proud to say I was good with the kids, I got along well with everyone, and my paperwork was always on time and in order. But I dreaded meetings, and this would require so many more meetings than I already had. I’d have to meet with the principal and other administrators, as well as my supervisor who apparently thought I was capable of this, then I’d have to meet with the therapists, and it would be all on me to convey the information between each group. That would be so stressful. I was happy. I loved my job, I loved dating Dylan. I had good friends. Why did I need to push myself to do more? I’d fought so hard just to get here, why couldn’t I coast along and enjoy it for a while longer? Wasn’t life meant to be enjoyed and not just conquered? Why did she even think I’d be good at it? Maybe she’d never been in a meeting with me, so she didn’t know?Yes, that was true. She was extrapolating from our one-on-one conversations. If she knew, she wouldn’t recommend me. And if I didn’t think I was a good fit, I shouldn’t feel forced into a position I didn’t want. I responded to her email to thank her and politely declined.
Another week passedby filled with long, sweet conversations. Dylan’s days off were on my work days, so he stayed at my apartment. He sent me off to work with coffee and kisses, and I came home to a clean apartment, dinner, and fresh flowers, and it was absolute perfection. Now he was back on duty, and I was leaving work, actually looking forward to an evening full of chores. I wanted to get all my cleaning and laundry done so I could enjoy as much time as possible with him on his days off. I texted him as I got into my car, but no response. He must’ve been out on a call.
A few hours later, satisfied with how many items I’d checked off my list, but uneasy that I hadn’t heard from Dylan yet, I settled down on the couch with a book to try to relax before bed. Or, to be honest with myself, to keep myself awake by reading until I heard from Dylan.
I jolted up. What was that noise? Oh, my phone. I must’ve fallen asleep. I fumbled to answer it quickly before I missed his call.
“Dylan?”
“Baby.”
What the fuck? He sounded awful. “Dylan! What’s wrong?”
No response, but I heard him breathing heavily. Shit. Was he crying?
“Dylan, you’re scaring me. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”
“I’m okay. I’m not hurt. But, fuck, baby, it was so bad.”
“Is everyone else okay?”
“We’re all okay. But the girl—she died.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”
Oh God, he was crying. I’d never heard a more heartbreaking sound in my life. I didn’t have any words for this. I wished I was there to just hold him.
“Dylan, baby, I’m so sorry.”
“Juliette, I want to be with you forever, but if you’re ever not with me, promise me you’ll never be with an abusive asshole who would hurt you and shoot you.”
“I only want to be with you, Dylan, and I know you’ll never hurt me,” I soothed.
“I’ll never hurt you, I promise.”
“I know. And I also know that you would have done anything possible to save that girl.”
“But I didn’t. I didn’t do anything. I stood outside and listened to him threaten her and listened to her screams, and I just stood there waiting like a useless ass.”
Shit, what could I say? “Were you told to wait?”
“Yes, but I knew we didn’t have time. We all heard that he was escalating. The chief should have let us in. We could have subdued him while we waited for the cops.”
“Wait, the cops weren’t even there yet? How long did you wait?”
“Three minutes.”
“Oh, honey, there was nothing that you could have done. I’m so sorry for that girl and I’m sorry for you and everyone who was there, but it’s not your fault. Do you hear me? It’s not your fault.”
He sighed. “I’m going to try to get some sleep.”
“Okay, I love you so much.”