“Yeah, I think I got that.” I grinned at him.
He smiled back, thank goodness. “Good, don’t forget it.” He looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke again. “I really am so impressed with you. You know exactly what you need, and you’ve built a life where you shine.”
Shit. How was I going to say what I wanted to say now?
“What is it, Juls?”
“Nothing.”
He raised a brow. “You look like you want to say something.”
“I love the way you see me. And I really do like myself. But still, you’re so outgoing and charismatic, and you can do anything you want to. I don’t want to hold you back, or for you to be ashamed of me, or embarrassed when I embarrass myself in front of other people. You should be with someone who can do everything you can do.”
Dylan looked pissed again. He looked me in the eyes so intensely, I had to fight the urge to look away.
“I guess I didn’t make myself clear before. I like you, Juls. I like you a hell of a lot. I willneverbe ashamed of you or embarrassed by you. I hate that you even think that’s a possibility. I love your outlook on life. The way you take responsibility to improve things for yourself. I’d be so proud to stand by your side, to celebrate all your accomplishments, bigand small, to cheer you on or hold your hand when you need support. And when you need help, I promise to be there to give it, and I’ll never make you feel like less for needing it. And if anyone makes you feel bad about yourself, I’ll kick their ass. If it’s you making yourself feel bad, I’ll spank your ass too.”
“Dylan,” I whispered, blinking back tears. I wanted to hear him say that again. I wanted to write it down and be able to pull it out to read again and again. Those words warmed me deep down to my soul. I wanted to wrap myself up in him, to cocoon his words, so he could never take them back or regret them. “How did I get so lucky? You’re incredible.”
“I’m far from perfect, Juliette. Don’t put me on a pedestal I don’t deserve. I’ve made some dumb mistakes.”
“Like what?”
“Losing sight of what I wanted. Letting other people influence my decisions. I made a mess of my life and Kayla’s, and it was because I gave in to what was expected of me. I took the safe, easy path instead of following my dreams and making hard decisions. If I had half the self-awareness and gumption you do, I would’ve saved myself and Kayla a lot of trouble.”
“Tell me about what happened with Kayla?”
Dylan paused, as though to put his thoughts into words. I waited patiently, freely giving him the time I so often needed.
“We were dating for a year when she visited my parents’ house for the first time. She walked into my bedroom and laughed at the firefighter decor.”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “Was it like your cool firefighter stuff here, or like your childhood fireman bedroom? I’m not defending her, and I know this is serious, but if I saw your bedding covered in fire trucks, I might think it was cute and laugh, too.”
Dylan tried to scowl but the corners of his lips tipped up. “I didn’t have fire truck bedding anymore. I got rid of that when I was in my teens.”
“So, in your teens you made out with girls on your fire truck sheets?”
“No. Girls weren’t allowed upstairs. Are you saying that if I brought you to my bedroom and you saw fire truck sheets, you would have peaced out?”
“No way. I’d never say no to you. I wouldn’t care if your sheets had Mickey Mouse driving a fire truck.”
“That’s why you’re the best.”
His warm smile made me want to climb onto his lap and kiss him until he was as deliriously happy as that simple statement made me. But I fought the urge because I wanted to hear his story first.
“Sorry, keep going.”
“It was a mix. I’d started to collect a little already, and I still had my fire hydrant lamp and stuff, but Kayla didn’t laugh because she thought it was cute. She didn’t do cute. She was laughing at the idea of me being into firefighting. Kayla knew me as this ambitious college student with aspirations of succeeding in the lucrative business world. The fact that she was so surprised was a testament to how untrue to myself I was. Even after we were married, she never understood my interest in firefighting. I considered volunteering, but she discouraged it, saying that it would ruin my opportunity to advance if I couldn’t put in enough overtime.”
“That must’ve been so frustrating.”
“It was. After a while, we were both unhappy, but I felt committed to what I’d started. I was doing well as a banker, even though I didn’t enjoy it and I was married to Kayla, even though we were barely speaking. But this was the path I’d chosen, so I just dealt with it and hoped it would get better one day.Eventually, I realized that if I didn’t make a change, I’d look back and have nothing but regrets and wasted opportunities. I thought if I could be happier in my career, I’d be happier with my marriage, so I bit the bullet and told Kayla I wanted to quit my job and be a firefighter.”
“What did she say?”
“She flipped out and showed me a whole new ugly, greedy, shallow side of her. I hoped she’d come around, but it only got worse until the divorce was inevitable. She was furious. She told me the whole marriage had been a waste of her time. She said I had no ambition, and if she’d known that from the beginning, she would’ve found someone better instead of wasting her best years on me.”
“She’s a gold-digging bitch. You know you did nothing wrong, right? She never loved you, or she would’ve wanted you to be happy.”