“I’ll just be a minute,” she said quietly. I gently lifted her chin and kissed her. I didn’t want her shyness after what we just shared.
“I’ll be waiting for you in bed.”
I reached back in to return the washcloth, and Juliette walked around me into the bathroom. When she came back a few minutes later, I lifted the blanket in a silent invitation. She crawled in and curled up against me, her head on my shoulder, arm on my chest, fingers toying with my nipple. I wrapped my arms around her, loving the feel of her warm, soft body snuggled against mine. I wanted to bask in this forever, but Juliette’s breathing evened out almost immediately, and a moment later, I followed her into a contented sleep.
I was smilingbefore I even opened my eyes. I would be a very happy man if I could wake up every morning to Juliette wiggling in my arms, squeezing my arm against her chest and rubbing her ass against my dick.
No. Fuck. That was not sexy, happy wiggling. That was the feel of her trying to hide that she was crying.
“Juls? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing”
“You’re crying. What is it?” I tried to pull back to see her face, but she tightened her arms around my forearm, holding me in place.
“Don’t let go. Please.”
I tightened my arms, wrapping myself around her. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. But please talk to me. Did I hurt you?”
“No! You were great. This is great. I’m crying because I’m happy.”
“What are you thinking? Please tell me.”
I felt her take a breath and slowly let it out in an effort to relax, but her body still felt taut. I tried to keep mine relaxed, hoping my calmness, my love could seep into her. Yes, love. I wasn’t ready to say it to her yet, but I could admit it to myself. Which made her tears terrifying. Did she regret what we did?
“Everything we did last night was so good. Better than good. And I woke up thinking about how amazing it was and about how wonderful it felt to sleep in your arms.” She paused, then continued at a whisper. “You make my body feel so good. My body never feels good.”
“Juls, baby, your body is amazing.”
“No, you don’t get it. My body never feels right. It’s like they put my brain in the wrong body. I’m always tripping over my feet like they don’t belong to me. My brain tells my body what to do, and it may or may not really listen. But last night I felt so good.And it seemed like it was good for you too, I think. And I woke up and felt you surrounding me and that felt so good too.”
“Baby, everything about last night was incredible. The sex was mind-blowing. Snuggling with you all night was a close second. I woke up thinking that I’d love to wake up like this every day. I’m glad I made you feel so good, and I swear, the feeling is mutual.”
Juls tightened her hold on my arm and wiggled in closer, not that there was any space there to begin with. I tightened my arms around her, sensing she needed them to hold herself together.
I carefully debated my next words. “Is there more? You said these were happy tears, but I get the feeling that there’s more to it. You are happy, but…” I trailed off, hoping she’d finish the thought.
Juliette’s breath quickened. “I…you…it’s nothing.” She blew out a frustrated breath.
I kissed her neck softly and gently glided my fingertips over her hip, touching her everywhere I could reach without releasing my hold on her. “I want to hear what you’re thinking, baby. It’s okay. Take your time.”
Her heart was pounding so hard, I could feel it like a drum beat against my chest, but brave as always, she pulled in a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak. When just a little stutter came out, she tried again. “I’m scared of how much I like you. I’m scared you’re going to get frustrated or bored with me. You can have anyone you want.”
“I don’t care about your speech or how coordinated you are or aren’t. I care about how you make me feel. I see horrible shit almost every day, and at the end of a long shift, coming home to see you makes me happy. I like that you want us to just cocoon ourselves up in a little bubble. It’s only about you and me, baby. You don’t care about putting on a show for others like so manypeople do, like Kayla did. I feel bad that you’re uncomfortable sometimes, but that doesn’t turn me off. It just makes me want to be there to make you feel better.”
I felt Juliette start to relax as I continued. “When I’m in a fire, my team and my gear protect me, even when we’re surrounded by danger. When I put on that gear and feel its weight on my back and see my brothers by my side, I know I’m safe to take risks that I couldn’t without them. I want to be that for you. I want you to know I’ll always have your back, that I’ll always protect you. I want to make you feel safe to take risks in life. I want to be your safe place.”
“You are. It scares me how much you already are,” Juliette whispered.
“I’m scared, too, Juls. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It feels so right when we’re together, and when we’re apart, I crave the next time that I’ll get to talk to you, to see you, to touch you. I can’t ever get enough of you.”
Juliette turned in my arms to face me. Her eyes were rimmed in red, but the gold sunbursts shimmering in the morning light told me everything I needed to know.
I wiped the wetness off her cheeks and traced over her delicate eyebrows. “That scared feeling…it’s like the fear that you feel climbing to the top of a roller coaster. You’re afraid of the possibility, however small, that the ride could derail and annihilate you. But if we embrace that fear as part of the exhilaration of the ride and have faith that it’s all going to work out, it’ll be the best fucking ride of our lives.”
Juliette gazed at me with huge eyes, before she started to laugh. “Look at you, so deep this morning.”
“Trust me, baby. Hold my hand and enjoy this ride with me.” I released my arm from around her just enough to extend my hand out, waiting for her to take that symbolic leap with me.