“Of course I’m not. What makes you say it like that, though?”
“My supervisor wants me to apply to be the lead therapist.”
“I’d say congratulations, but you don’t sound happy. How do you feel about it?”
“Like you said, I’m good with the kids. I chose to be an OT because I like working with them. The less I talk, the happier they are. Being lead would mean I’m with the kids only about half the time, and the other half will be administrative work, my least favorite part of the job. It will require so much talking to people. Meetings with administrators and parents. Relaying information between people. Important information. No one should rely on me to communicate anything important. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You can do it. I think you’d be great at it. You have so much talent and wisdom when it comes to your job, it would be a great opportunity to share it. But if it’s not what you want to do, decline the offer. This is your life, you can make the decisions that are right for you, that will make you happy.”
“I don’t know what will make me happy, though. I want it and I don’t want it.”
“Can you talk to the person who did it before to get a feel for it?”
“No, I don’t want to bother her. She was injured last year, and they thought she’d be back this year, but she won’t be. That’s why it’s available.”
“Did she get hurt because she was lead? Is it riskier?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Quit worrying about me. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll always worry about you. I care about you.”
It wasn’t an outright declaration of love, but it was close. It was also… What? That he knew I had a tough day with barely a word? That he was proud of me? That he thought I could be lead? That he seemed to read between all the lines and understand me in a way that very few do? Yeah, that’s what had my heart racing and my breath catching. He understood me. Literally understood my words, and also understood all the things I didn’t say. It was amazing and scary.
I had to swallow hard before I could respond. “Thank you.”
“Juls?”
“What?”
“What are you thinking?”
Shit. This was the problem. Everyone else has always just accepted my silence. Expected it even.
I closed my eyes for a moment and took a steadying breath. He meant a lot to me. Enough that I wanted to tell him the truth, even if it was embarrassing.
“I’m happy you care about me, because I care a lot about you too, but it also makes me nervous that you’ll pay too much attention to the dumb things I do. I love how much you understand me, but I also kinda wish you weren’t always watching quite so closely.”
“I am paying attention, you’re right about that, but only because I want to learn what makes you happy, and I want to know if you’re upset so I can help you feel better. If you get hurt, I just want to make sure you’re okay, and I only care about how it happened in regards to preventing it from happening again. Never to judge, baby.”
Warmth bloomed through my chest. “I wish you were here right now.”
“Yeah? What would you do if I was there?” I heard a smile in his voice, but it was more than his usual easy grin. The teasing anticipation rumbling in his voice drew images of his sexy, eager smile, and that warmth spread from my chest down to my core.
“Um, uh, whatever you wanted me to do?” I’d fantasized about phone sex, or sexy teasing on the phone, or whatever we were doing. What girl hasn’t? But shit, what should I say? I didn’t have a sexy bone in my body!
“You want to know what I’d do to you?”
“Yes.”
He chuckled knowingly, his voice deepening. “I’d kiss you until we couldn’t breathe, then I’d trail kisses down your throat, across your collarbone, down to the top curves of your tits. I’d kiss and nip and suck until you squirmed in my arms, then my hands would slowly slide under your shirt and pull it off. I’d take your bra off and?—”
“I’m not wearing a bra. I’m just wearing your SAFD shirt.”
“Juls, you have no idea what that does to me,” he groaned. “I’d pullmyshirt off of you and when those luscious tits fall free, I’d suck a nipple into my mouth, sucking it hard, while myfingers teased your other nipple, then I’d switch. I’d suck and nip, tease and pinch, until you were begging for more. Then I’d move down, my tongue working its way down your body, pulling your pants and underwear down as I go. I’d kiss your thighs, teasing closer and closer to your pussy before I nip your clit. Then I’d soothe it with gentle licks. I’d lick and suck your clit, then I’d push one finger and then two as far inside you as they can go, twisting my hand so you feel my knuckles brushing inside you.”
Oh God. I was going to come just from his words. My hand in my shorts was helping too, but it was mostly his words. And his deep sexy voice.
“Juls, I hear your breathing. Are you touching yourself?”