I’d been texting and calling her every day. She finally responded when I begged her to just let me know she was okay, even though her text of “I’m ok” didn’t do much to make me feel better. Some of my messages were apologies, some were pleading, and some were yelling. At one point I called her selfish then immediately called back and begged her to please delete my last message without listening to it.
Now here I was, back at the station, and as much as it felt like returning home, I still didn’t know if I’d get to stay. No fucking clue what my future would look like.
Shaking it off, I settled into my favorite chair in the station’s common area and propped my casted leg on the coffee table. Just like always. Well, almost.
“Hey man, good to see you back here,” Liam said as he sat across from me. “I know I’ve said it already, but I feel the need tosay it again. I’m sorry I took Juliette home that morning without waking you.”
“No need to apologize. Thank you for staying by the room and being there to take care of her. I hate that she wanted to sneak out like that, but I’m grateful you were there for her.”
“I didn’t think she’d walk away and not come back to you at all.”
“Me neither. I’m worried sick about her.”
“Fuck her,” Ryan said from the doorway. “She left you while you were in the hospital.”
“Don’t you ever fucking talk about Juliette like that. You’re lucky it’s too hard to get out of this chair or I’d punch you.”
Ryan held up his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry, but seriously, who the hell does that?”
“I don’t want to hear it. I still love Juliette and I want to fix this. It’s not her fault.”
“That’s bullshit. How is it not her fault that she abandoned you days after you almost died? If she can’t handle this, then I’m sorry, but it’s not going to work out between you guys.”
I sighed and dropped my head back. Ryan, Brady, Cole, Liam, and Ethan settled into the chairs and couches around me. It felt good to be surrounded by my brothers again.
“Juliette’s biggest insecurity, her biggest fear, is messing up something important, especially in a way that endangers people. When I ran into that house and left her alone to get help, I forced her into her worst nightmare. Our lives were in her hands.”
“It was your screw up for not calling it in first. Not her fault,” Ethan said.
“You think I don’t fucking know that? And then I cut off her access to help by locking her damn phone in the fucking car. Because of my fucking stupidity and my ex-wife she had to run to the station on a sprained ankle and with still-healing cuts allover her damn body.” My voice broke, but I didn’t care. “I can’t stand it that she’s blaming herself when it was my fucking fault.”
“But she got to the station, and everything worked out fine,” Cole said.
“Yeah, but I bet she’s already thought of a million ways that this could play out again and again. She probably thinks she’s doing me a favor by staying away.”
“How are you going to convince her that’s not what you want?”
My chest constricted at Ryan’s words. I felt lighter, like a weight was lifted, and also so grounded and filled with gratitude for these men. I didn’t realize how much I needed their understanding until now.
I didn’t care if it made me weak, I needed more of their confirmation. “Yeah? You guys think we still have a shot?”
“Love will find a way,” Liam said.
“Ha, all that time making googly eyes at Jenna is turning you into a softie,” Ethan said to Liam, and Liam wadded up a napkin sitting on the coffee table and threw it at him.
“I’m serious,” Liam said. “We’ve seen Juliette transform over the last few months with you. She still has her moments, but she’s seemed so much more relaxed and confident lately. She was just starting to really talk to us. And you’ve been happier than ever too. For so long, you’ve acted like this job was all you needed. Now you’re actually enjoying your life. You guys are good for each other. That’s worth fighting for.”
“Thanks, man. How though? She ignores my calls and texts. She even changed the fucking locks on her door.”
“You want me to call Nicky and have her put in a good word for you?” Ryan offered.
“No, she needs her friends. She’d hate to feel like they betrayed her or are taking my side.”
“Do something she can’t ignore,” Brady said. “Like, we can ride down her street, sirens blaring, and when she comes out, you can declare your love over the megaphone.”
“She’d hate that, idiot.” Liam wadded up another napkin and threw it at Brady.
“What if you show up at her work? Wait by her car at the end of the day, so she can’t avoid you?” Ethan suggested.