I didn’t want to hear any more about how fucking Pratt upset Juliette, and I didn’t know how to answer Max’s question without making Juliette look bad. They didn’t know her like I did. They wouldn’t understand why she wasn’t by my side. She should be here. There was no way she would leave if she was thinking rationally. But I didn’t want to tell them that either.
Before I could come up with an answer, Liam and Ryan came in. They talked to my parents about how much better I was doing and razzed me with my brothers for my recklessness until I couldn’t wait another second.
“Juls?” I cut in, sharper than I intended.
Ryan’s expression sobered. “She’s not at her house or yours. We’ve talked to Jenna and Nicky, and they’re calling everyone they can think of. We got her phone from your car and used it to call her sister and parents. Sorry, but no one’s heard from her. Beth hasn’t found her again since she saw her walking away from the hospital. She’s using a face recognition app on traffic cams. The good news is that she didn’t see any sign of Leo, and Quint confirmed that Kayla is locked up. We spoke to Quint about putting in a missing person report with the SAPD. He said we can’t file an official report at this point, but unofficially he’ll be on the lookout for her and pass the word around. We’ve put calls out to the other guys at our firehouse and Station 7 and also some of the law enforcement guys we’re friendly with—Cruz, Dax, Hayden, TJ…” he paused, then continued in a rush. “Calder. You know, everyone, so they can all spread the word, too,” he finished, trying and failing to smooth over what he just implied.
“It won’t fucking be Calder,” I growled out then coughed until I couldn’t catch my breath.
Liam fixed my oxygen mask, even as I tried to push him away. The fear running through my veins was stronger than my need to breathe. “Stop,” he said as he held my hands down. “Stop what you’re thinking.” He glared at Ryan. “What Ryan meant to say is that we told everyone we could think of. There’s nothing more to it than that.”
I’d already been worrying about how desperate Juliette must be feeling, and how alone she was. This situation must be preying on all her worst insecurities and fears about havingdyspraxia. But hearing Ryan say that he’d put the medical examiner on alert for Juliette was a punch to the gut. There’s only one reason why Calder would be the one notified of Juliette’s whereabouts, and that wasn’t fucking happening.
48
Juliette
Irushed back to Dylan’s room. Frantic images flew through my mind at a nauseating pace, like I was going through the tunnel in the Willy Wonka movie. But instead of riding through it, I was drowning in it.
Dylan sitting up in bed, smiling and opening his arms, beckoning me to him.
Dylan lying pale and lifeless, doctors standing helplessly by, nothing more they could do.
Dylan holding his badge, anger shooting from his blazing eyes, yelling at me for ending his career.
Dylan holding me as I begged for his forgiveness that I wasn’t strong enough to help him when he needed me. Wasn’t strong enough to live like this.
Dylan kissing me, promising me he’ll never run into a fire again, never risk his life again, never leave me with that responsibility ever again.
The elevator doors pinged open on his floor. So close to him, but I couldn’t move. I could ask for his forgiveness, but not his promises. Dylan would always run into the literal or figurative fire. He would also do anything to protect the people he loves. To protect me.
The elevator started to close. I grabbed the door, held it open.
I couldn’t do this again. But how could I make him choose?
From room 214, just three doors down from the elevator, I heard Ryan’s voice first then Dylan’s dad, and finally, I heard Dylan.
“It’s fine,” he said, still raspy, but stronger than before.
He was okay. Tears streaming down my face, I stepped back, let the elevator doors close.
If I asked for his forgiveness and his promises, he’d grant them, but I’d be just like Kayla. Holding him back.
He’d say something sweet like, being a hero to me is more important than being a hero for anyone else. And he’d mean it. But then, when he was put in a position to have to choose, like he was at that fire, it would kill him to walk away. If he had to keep turning his back on who he was in his heart, it would slowly eat away at him. He’d end up hating me, but even worse, he would hate himself too.
When the elevator doors opened again, I walked out. Out of the elevator and straight out of the hospital.
Barely two minutesinto the walk, I knew I’d made a dumb, impulsive decision. The hospital could’ve called me a cab or given me a phone to call Jenna or Nicky. My ankle, and every muscle and joint and scrape and bruise, screamed at me to turn around. It was a good few miles to my apartment, which would be barely manageable on a good day, but at this rate, it would be dark long before I hobbled home. Not to mention, I might as wellhave had a flashing neon sign over my head announcing I was alone and helpless.
I was lucky I made it out without one of Dylan’s friends stopping me. I wasn’t going back to try again. I summoned my inner Nicky instead. Like she’d said about her many reckless rendezvous back in college, karma would either bring me safely home, or if the proverbial lightning struck me down, it would be what I deserved.
Fuck. I’d definitely made the wrong decision. Damn Nicky and karma and Chief Pratt and the pickup truck that was creeping up next to me. I didn’t actually want to die tonight. I did hate myself a bit, and I was feeling very guilty, but this was too much. If Dylan, Sarah, or Benji had died because of me, then yes, I’d deserve what was about to happen. But now? No, I really, really did not want to be killed or raped or kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery, or whatever was about to happen.
I sped up, limping as fast as I could, my eyes glued to a restaurant in the distance. If I could just make it there, maybe I’d be safe.
The truck stayed next to me.
I should’ve gone in to see Dylan one last time. Told him one more time that I love him.If my body’s never found, will he think I just willingly walked out of his life forever?