His gut clenched. “Most of the time,” he confirmed darkly, trying not to get lost in his head, and marginally succeeding. “There were always things…”
Nope.He wasnotgetting sucked down that dark hole right now.
Vince cleared his throat, and knew Lace was watching him shrewdly. If he wasn’t careful, she was going to ask questions, which is why he continued immediately.
“What I’m trying to say is, the minute I found out what you were facing, even though you’d given me a rough outline of what was going to happen, I read up on it. A lot. I know all the ins and outs of breast cancer now. All the possible pitfalls of your treatments, and I’m positive I want to be the one who takes that journey with you.”
Lace sat there, opening and closing her mouth as if unable to respond.
“So,” Vince inquired softly. “How do you feel about that? And what was it you were going to say before? It might be your last chance to…? What Lace?”
“To have real breasts during sex,” she spit out as if it were a single word; or some kind of curse.
Which, in a way, it was.Cursewas the exact label cancer should have.
Vince knew he was on shaky ground with how skittish Lace was. He approached her concerns, carefully.
“I’m not making love to your breasts, Lace,” he began. “I’m making love toyou. A funny, smart, beautiful woman who makes me smile and,” he chuckled, “for some reason, seesmeas someone special.”
He raised his brows in case she wanted to challenge that.
“Of course you’re special,” she told him breathlessly, dragged out of her own woes for a second. “You’re the most fascinating man I’ve ever met. A Navy SEAL who dresses up like a clown toentertain children? A retired Vet who could rest on his laurels, but chooses to work in a mill and help out with a dive team? A man who loves and respects his whole family?” She scoffed. “You, Vincent Sothard, are a no-brainer.” Lace smiled as she finished.
“Well, maybe not mywholefamily,” he quipped, steering things to something he knew would make her laugh. “Kyle is a royal pain in my ass, and Trask is just one bossy son-of-a-bitch.”
Lace giggled, easily lighter now. “But you love them, and you’re lucky to have them.”
“I am,” he admitted, all joking aside. “But hear this, Lace. All my sibs and their wives who are familiar with you, are already poised to welcome you into our circle with open arms. And for the ones you haven’t met? I know they’re going to love you, too.”
Lace sighed. “And I’ll love them, as well,” she said definitively. “But we’re getting off subject. I need to know exactly how you feel about my body…changing.”
Vince shook his head, and quirked his mouth. “Don’t you remember me telling you that I’m an ass man? Is your caboose going to undergo any changes that I’ll need to take into consideration?” he teased.
She snickered. “Nope. The back end is not part of the overhaul. It will remain ‘original equipment’.”
“Well, then?” he postulated.
She bit her bottom lip. “Sometimes people say things?—”
“I never say things I don’t mean, Lace,” he interrupted sternly. “And I mean what I’m about to say, with all my heart.”
His focus on Lace never wavered.
“I’m glad to have met you at this stage in your life. I’m heartened to be a partner for you during all the shit that’s going to happen. I can’t even imagine what you’ve already undergone, all alone until now.” Vince didn’t even like to think about it. “Ipromise I’ll be there for you from here on out, every step of the way.”
“You can’t know that,” Lace whispered, her face crumpling in self-doubt.
“Icanknow that,” he told her with all the frankness he could muster. “I’m forty years old, Lace. I know my own mind. I’m not a kid who’s guided by whims.”
Maybe now wasn’t the time, but Vince wanted to let Lace know that he was no saint, because it had bearing on how he was feeling about her.
“Listen. I’ve played around my entire life; let an untold number of frog-hogs ‘catch’ me for a night of quick fun, but I haven’tfeltanything for a woman in a long time. Not since my first, big love in high school.”
“What happened to her?” Lace asked in all seriousness.
Vince barked out a laugh. “It turns out she wanted to be ahe.”
Vince shrugged. “It nearly broke my heart back then, but I knew I wasn’t interested in a testosterone-based relationship. After a short mourning period, I took my head out of my ass and supported their decision. They got all the hormone treatments, and surgically altered the body parts they didn’t like. We’ve actually remained friends since then; on-line, anyway, during my deployments.”