“A man who isn’t afraid of dying is dangerous.” He didn’t expect her to understand any of this, but that wasn’t her fault.
How could she understand something she had never experienced?
“Does all of this ever become too much for you—the risk, the violence, the gore?”
That was a tough question to answer, especially when all he could think about was kissing her. “I have trouble going home.”
Her brow bent in confusion. “Trouble going home?”
“I call it re-entry. It’s like an action hangover. Best way to deal with it is more action—a little hair of the dog. Sometimes, it’s easier to stay in the field.”
What would she taste like? God, he wanted to know, the need to kiss her pulsing inside him like a heartbeat.
Don’t do it.
He hadn’t crossed a line with her yet. He was close right now, but he wasn’t over. He hadn’t yet done anything he couldn’t put in a report to Tower and Corbray. He should leave her and go back to his room before he did something stupid. Besides, if she knew everything there was to know about him, she wouldn’t want his hands on her.
He tried to remember what he’d been about to say. “It’s hard to go from hitting a target to hitting the grocery store. One minute, you’re hopped up on adrenaline, doing your best to achieve your objective and keep yourself and your fellow soldiers alive. The next, someone’s asking if you want fries with that. When the adrenaline wears off, that’s when the nightmares and the self-doubt set in.”
Shanti tried to understand.“Why do you keep doing it? Why not leave and find a job that doesn’t risk your life or place you in conflict with others?”
“This is the only thing I’m good at.”
Shanti shook her head. “I don’t believe that—not for a minute.”
“I don’t have a college education. I signed up straight out of high school. When I left the army, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was lucky to know one of the guys who works for Cobra. We served together. He got me this job.”
Connor never used the term Delta Force and rarely mentioned the branch of the special forces in which he’d served. Technically speaking, the Unit didn’t exist.
“Now you’re out here risking your life again.” She pressed her fingers to the bullet scar on his chest. “You’ve been hurt so many times. Where did you get this one?”
“Mosul.”
She ran a thumb over the deep graze on his right shoulder. “This one?”
“Fallujah, I think.”
How could he not remember?
She traced a finger over the scar on his belly, the muscles of his abdomen tightening at her touch. “This one looks new.”
“I took a round to the gut last November. Some warlord tried to abduct a client and ambushed us at the airport in Mazar-e-Sharif. I think most of us got shot in that one. Jones took a round to the lung, came close to dying.”
“That’s awful. Is the client okay?”
“She’s fine.”
“Did you sit in her bed when she had nightmares, too?”
“Tower did.” But Connor seemed distracted now, his gaze on her lips.
“Connor?”
“Yeah?”
“Kiss me.”
“God, yes.” He drew her close and took her mouth with his.