They talked until Ellie had cried herself out.
“So, do I get to ask how it went at the hotel?”
Okay, so maybe she wasn’t quite finished with tears. “I think it’s over between Jesse and me.”
“What? How can it be over? What can possibly have gone wrong in thirty-six hours? You were practically fucking each other with your eyes Tuesday night.”
Ellie told her about their night at the hotel and their day at the Cimarron—how perfect both had been and how horribly the day had ended. “He left the key on my table.”
“Have you heard from him since?”
“No. Nothing. He left the key so that must mean he’s done.”
“Or maybe he thinks you’re done.”
“I told him I needed time, not that I never wanted to see him again.”
“Can I ask you something without you getting mad at me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, well, I’m going to do it anyway. So what if he knew Dan? What’s the big deal with that?”
“It’s a military thing.” How could she explain this? “You don’t fight beside your buddy, watch him die, then come home and use his wife’s grief to get sex.”
“That’s not what Jesse did. It’s not as if he moved into the cabin knowing who you were and spent the past two years waiting for your car to break down in a snowstorm so he could seduce you and babysit your kids.”
“Well…” Ellie had nothing.
“Besides, you said he and Dan didn’t know each other well, that they just did some missions or actions or whatever together. It sounds like you guys got caught up in something that neither of you expected and that his connection to Dan wasn’t the first thing on his mind. That’s kind of a compliment if you think about it.”
Claire wasn’t getting the point.
“He fucked me in the bed I shared with Dan with Dan’s photos on the walls, and he didn’t think, ‘Maybe I should tell her that I knew her husband.’”
“Are you sure the real issue here isn’t that you feel guilty? Maybe his bringing up Dan brought it all crashing in on you.”
“No!” Ellie realized she’d shouted into the phone, rage mixing with a sinking feeling that her sister might be right. “Why should I feel guilty? Dan wanted me to be happy. He made me promise I would move on. How many times have you told me that?”
“You’ve spent almost four years saying you can’t move on. Then you meet Jesse and you’re magically cured—except that you’re still wearing your wedding ring. Dan’s photos are still all over the walls. Then, when he mentions Dan, you flip.”
Ellie let out a breath, tried not to get upset. “It’s not just that he mentioned Dan. It’s that he knew him. They fought together. He said Dan even saved his life a few times. Dan saved his life. But it took him until yesterday to tell me any of this.”
“Okay, so he ought to have told you. All I know, sis, is that a brave, sexy man cares about you and your kids enough to cook for the three of you, shovel your sidewalk, and fuck your brains out. You need to think hard before you end this.”
“I didn’t say I was ending it.”
“Why would he leave the key unless he believed that’s what you wanted?”
* * *
It was after nine—and a lot of rum—when she knocked on Jesse’s door.
“Jesse, I know you’re in there. Please let me know you’re okay. I’ve called. I’ve texted. I’ve left messages. But you’re not answering.”
She’d called? He hadn’t gotten any damned phone calls or texts. Then he remembered he’d turned his cell phone off, the silence too hard to take.
“I can’t leave the kids home alone for long. I shouldn’t leave them alone at all, but I have to see you. I have to know you’re all right.”