It’s your own fault, idiot.
Yes, okay, maybe it was. But whatever Jesse’s faults—and his father had a list that was probably a mile long—he wasn’t the kind of man who could take advantage of a woman’s grief and loneliness just to scratch a sexual itch. The last thing he wanted was to look into Ellie’s eyes and see that he had added to her troubles.
She’s not for you, anyway, remember?
Somehow, that didn’t make him feel better.
He walked into the kitchen, grabbed the milk out of the fridge, and drank straight from the carton, leaning against the wall with one hand. That hand just happened to land on the button beneath the fucking fish Herrera had given him for his birthday.
Tinny music spilled out, making Jesse jump.
The fish’s tail and mouth began to wiggle.
“Take me to the river/Wash me in the water.”
Fuck this day anyway.
He put the milk away, took out a carton of eggs, and made himself an omelet with five egg whites, beating the eggs a bit too hard and tossing in whatever shit he could find—scallions, tomatoes, a leftover boiled potato, shredded Mexican cheese.
After he’d eaten, he left the dishes in the sink, dressed, and brushed his teeth. Then he grabbed his cell phone and gym bag and headed out the door. He needed to get vertical, work off this sexual frustration, clear his head.
He drove to the climbing gym, where he found Sasha already on the wall, her trainer on belay and shouting encouragement as she worked her way through a route with a steep overhang, her body almost parallel to the ground.
“Let your bones do the work. Your skeleton doesn’t get tired. When you’re not moving, let your muscles rest.”
Jesse checked in with the front desk, then walked to one of the benches to put on his climbing shoes and harness. The rock gym, like The Cave, was a second home for him, the anticipation of challenging moves and burning muscles already clearing his thoughts. He’d just clipped into his harness when Herrera walked in, bag slung over his shoulder, mirrored sunglasses on his face, dark hair rumpled from the wind.
“Hey, man,” he called when he saw Jesse. “You ready to kick your own ass?”
Jesse was more than ready.
They picked a 5-11c route next to Sasha.
“Mind if I go first?” Jesse asked.
Herrera’s brown eyes narrowed. “Something eating you?”
“Don’t ask.” Jesse reached for the rope, looped it through his harness, and started tying his figure-eight retrace.
“It’s too late for that.”
“I didn’t sleep last night.” Jesse thought Herrera would let it drop.
He didn’t. “You need a woman. Nothing makes for a good night’s sleep like sex. You should get together with Rain.”
“Rain?” Jesse drew the knot tight, double-checked his harness. “Why Rain?”
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She likes you, man.”
“Rain is just being friendly. Besides, Joe will kick the ass of any guy who hits on her in his pub. You know that.”
“So hit on her when she’s not at work.”
Chaska Belcourt walked by with his sister, Winona, both of them wearing harnesses. “How’s eighth grade treating you boys?”
Jesse glared at Herrera. “Are you on belay or what?”
“On belay.”