“Guys, I need to go to class,” I say softly, trying to not make waves.
“Why do you look so scared?” Connor smiles and gently grabs my chin to tilt my head back. “You’d figure the charity case would want to get in bed with those of a higher net worth than her. Tell me… if it’s not us… who are you going to let make you feel good?”
“No one,” I say. “I’m here to get a degree, not be a whore. Can I go now?”
I nearly trip over myself to backup and Dillon steps closer to us but stops and smiles. “She’s scared of us,” Dillon says. I keep my eyes on him as he backs me against a wall. Connor stays in the doorway but winks at me when I glance at him.
“Please leave me alone,” I say in a small voice. I don’t want to sound scared; it invites them to hurt me, but I also need to convey how much they’re scaring me.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Dillon says. “It’s not fun if you cry the whole time.”
“You have me trapped in a closet and it’s scaring me. If that’s not your intention, please let me leave,” I say as calmly as I can. He nods once before stepping to the side. I try not to run away but the moment I have an opening I dart out of the closet and down the stairs.
“Thanks, Chloe,” Sandy, the librarian, says. “Wonderful as always.”
“No problem,” I say. “Oh, can you lock the upstairs closet? I forgot but I need to get to class.”
“Yeah, girl. Go ahead,” she smiles.
I’m running a little late, but I have time to get in and sit down still. It’s Friday and my last class of the day. That means that I have the entire weekend to hide in my dorm and pretend I don’t exist. I look forward to tonight and the weekends when I can hide away and not have to deal with anyone. I take all my meals back to my dorm because I don’t want to sit with anyone. I intend to do that with dinner tonight. Basically, everyone in my building is going to some stupid party so I won’t have to deal with their loud bullshit tonight.
I walk into Human Sexuality and sit down in my usual seat. I am in the back by myself. No one bothers me back here and I can still hear the professor. I open my laptop and set everything up to type my notes and within a few minutes, I sense that someone is sitting beside me. I look up to find Connor and Dillon sitting on either side of me, blocking me into the row. They don’t look at me, but they have a smirk on their faces.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble.
“Shhh. We are trying to learn about sex, Charity,” Dillon says. I grit my teeth and sit back in my chair. The professor starts her lecture and right away I know this is going to be a long hour. We are talking about sexual kinks, and everyone is actively participating. I end up getting called on more when everyone is participating in a conversation because I end up being the one that doesn’t talk.
“Chloe, what are some things that can shape sexual kinks for someone?” The professor asks.
“Trauma,” I say.
“Explain.”
“Well… It’s transference. More than sixty percent of survivors of sexual assault have a CNC kink. It’s a way they are trying to transform their trauma into something that can help them better process the event.”
“Isn’t that a rape fantasy or something?” Dillon asks.
“What? No. The first letter literally means consensual,” I say. “It’s consensually giving up control while still being able to get out of the situation if they want. It puts them back in control of their body while being able to explore the side of sex that allowsthe survivor to feel safe but out of control. That level of control is dependent on the person and their partner. It requires an immense amount of trust in each other because you have to be able to trust that when you say your safe word that they will stop immediately.”
“You know an awful lot about this kink,” Dillon says with a smirk.
“So… a girl with a daddy kink might have that kink if she experienced trauma around her own father?” a girl asks me.
“Yeah. Obviously, that’s not always the case but she could be searching for something specific that she lacked growing up,” I explain.
“Your dad is dead. Do you have a daddy kink?” A guy asks from across the room.
“No,” I say flatly.
“Alright,” the professor says. “That’s very good, Chloe.” He goes on to ask other questions and Connor leans in to whisper in my ear.
“We’d love to help you with that little kink of yours,” he says. I glare at him before turning to my notes.
“Aww. You don’t want to miss out on an experience of a lifetime, do you?” Dillon asks.
“Both of you can go fuck yourselves,” I mumble.
They are quiet for the remainder of class. Once I have everything packed up, I notice that they are not going to let me pass, so I step down into the seat in front of me before hopping to the floor and walking out.