“Yeah? And look how well that worked out,” he scoffs. “Who’s the father? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone.”
I close my eyes and sigh. He’s already in a pissy mood. Saying it will send him over the edge. Marc and Sable have never seen Dad lose his temper, but they are about to. “Rave,” Sable says.
“I know,” I say.
“Spit it out, Raven,” Dad demands.
“Ravy,” Marc says nudging me.
“Why are you even here, Marc?” Dad asks. I look at Marc, then Sable, then Dad.
“Dad,” I say as calmly as I can. He is laser-focused on Marc. He knows. He may not fully get it yet, but it’s entered his mind.
“Why are you here, Marc,” Dad asks again.
“Allen, I need you to listen to me,” Marc says as nonthreatening as possible.
“I swear to fucking God, Marc. Why are you here,” Dad demands. I look at Sable and she sighs. We both know it’s about to get bad.
“Dad, look at me,” I say, raising my voice to get his attention.
“Raven. Say it,” he says.
“It’s Marc,” I say. I hardly get the words out of my mouth before Dad jumps from his chair which triggers Marc to do the same. Sable and I jump up as well.
“You son of a bitch,” Dad shouts.
“Allen, I need you to calm down and listen to me,” Marc says.
“Calm down?” Dad screams.
“Dad, stop it,” I say. “You’re overreacting.”
“I spent years trying to make sure you didn’t end up like your mother. Years,” he yells at me.
“Why do you care?” I scream at him. “Why the fuck do you care who gets me pregnant? You’ve never given a shit about me since Mom died. I was always a fucking problem for you.”
“I was grieving her, Raven,” he yells back at me.
“You hated her,” I shout. “I heard you two fight every fucking night. About me. About the bills. About everything. Don’t claim you were sad now.”
“I lost her when I should have been helping her,” he shouts, his composure breaking.
“Instead, you took it out on me,” I scream as my voice breaks. “You hate me just as much as you hated her. You have sat back and watched me drown for twelve years so you don’t get to be mad. You don’t get to yell at him for being one of the only fucking people to stop for long enough to give a shit.”
“You are my daughter, Raven. I have every right to be mad that a man twice your age got you pregnant,” he says with a disapproving tone.
“No, you don’t!” I yell at him. He steps up to me, but I shove him away. I am so angry that I’m shaking but tears are rolling down my cheeks. “Did you or did you not tell me once that you wished I had died too? Did you not tell me once that you wish Mom had never gotten pregnant with me?”
“Raven,” he says softly.
“Answer me!” I demand loudly.
“Because you look like her, Raven!” he yells at me as tears roll down his cheeks. “Every fucking time I look at you, I see the woman I fell in love with, and it hurts. I watched her destroy her life and I was too fucking proud to save her. I should have fucking saved her, Raven. I can’t stand the thought of losing you too and it makes me so fucking angry. I thought if I didn’t do things with you the way I did with her, you would live. I thought giving herthe world was what broke her. I fucking loved her, Raven. I would do anything to hug her one last time, but I can’t. I can’t get the image of you screaming and shaking your dead mother out of my mind. It plays over and over and it’s fucking terrifying to think that I could be the one to find you one day.”
By the time he stops yelling, we are both crying. Marc nudges me when Dad puts his arms out, so I step closer and let him hug me.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I’m so sorry,” he cries as he hugs me tightly.