“We will cross that bridge when we get there,” Declan says. “We aren’t related or anything so it’s not a big deal.”
“As long as you’re thinking about it,” she says then perks up. “Oh! There is a pool party happening today. Come with me, Mia.”
“Uh… yeah. I just need to find my bathing suit,” I say. She turns to my dresser and starts looking through drawers.
“Here, wear this,” she says, tossing something at me. It’s a black and neon pink bikini that ties at the hip and behind my back. “This looks amazing on you.”
I laugh when Declan and Darian sigh. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Declan says flatly.
“Okay, well I’m going to get dressed,” I say as I get up and go to my closet to get a bathing suit cover. I go to the bathroom and get changed then downstairs to get a protein bar.
“Do you ever eat real food, Mia?” Shauna asks.
“I had pizza last night,” I shrug.
“You know I have seen you eat real food maybe like four times since we have been in college?” she says.
“Stop it,” I say. “Don’t start that shit again please.”
“Start what?” Declan asks.
“She has an eating disorder and won’t admit it,” Shauna says. “She does just enough so her mom doesn’t realize and make her get help.”
“No, I don’t,” I sigh.
“No? Then put the protein bar back and we can grab food on the way to the pool,” she says. Darian doesn’t give me a choice and takes the bar from me and tosses it on the counter.
“Fine,” I huff. “Let’s go.”
Logically, I know she’s right. It’s not that I don’t want to face it. I do know that it’s a problem. Trying to fix it means risking gaining weight and that terrifies me. I hate eating because I always feel like I’m doing something wrong, and I’ll ruin all the progress I made. I didn’t really start having issues until I had already lost weight. Igained a few pounds, and it made me panic. When I have problems with my anxiety, it can get severe fast. Once something triggers it, nothing can stop it until I come down on my own.
We stop at a burrito restaurant, and I decide on a burrito bowl to avoid the tortilla. My favorite thing to get is spicy chicken with cilantro and lime rice. I end up putting most of their vegetables on because it’s something that doesn’t make me feel guilty for eating.
We are sitting in the car eating when Shauna turns and looks at my food. “What?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.
“You know that carbs aren’t going to kill you,” she says. “You’re going to turn into a vegetable eating so many of them like that.”
“Well… that would be unfortunate,” I say nonchalantly.
“Wait,” she says when Declan and Darian laugh. “I didn’t think that through before I said it.”
“It’s one of the few things that don’t make me feel guilty for eating,” I say. “And before you say it. I know. Okay? I know it’s a problem, but I stick to eating what I can so I’m at least havingsomethingwithout triggering a bigger problem. I haven’t lost weight in a while, so I know I’m healthy. You constantly jumping down my throat doesn’t help.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” she says. “I just worry about you.”
“I know. I appreciate the concern,” I say.
Once we are done eating, we throw away our trash before driving to the pool. The party is at a private club that someone rented out. They technically could have used the pool on campus, but that would mean no one can drink and these are a bunch of college kids. Why they think drinking while swimming is safe is beyond me, butat least they have lifeguards. I will definitely not be drinking. Not after how terrible I felt this morning.
We find a spot to lay our blankets out on chairs before I take my cover off and I’m left in just the bikini. “Damn girl,” Shauna says. “You look good.”
“Thank you,” I smile. I look at the guys and they are scanning my body. “Y’all okay?”
“Uh… yeah,” Declan says. “We are going to go get a drink and socialize a bit. Stay out of trouble, please.”
“So, no tequila and stay away from Jared?” I ask, nodding in his friend's direction.