I press my hands against my thighs again, then the crate under my legs. Rub the fabric of my shirt and spin a ring on my hand. “Three things I can hear. The music from the bar, the old-ass fridge, and you breathing annoyingly calm.”
“One of us has to be.”
I breathe, getting a whole lungful, and it feels amazing. “Two things I can smell. Stale beer and floor cleaner.”
“It’s a classy establishment.”
“One thing I can taste. Does my own spit count?”
“I will get you some water in a minute. You good now?”
I’m not good, but my hands have stopped trembling, and I can breathe again. So I’m as good as I am going to be right now.
Aaron is not here.
He has never been here.
He doesn’t know where I live or where I work.
He has been in prison for years.
He doesn’t know where I am.
Repeating that mantra in my head, I make myself believe it, as I have done everything right, including relocating and changing jobs. I have been okay since I left him and am now the best version of myself. I will still be okay because I am no longer scared of my shadow. I am barely scared of anything and have learned to be strong.
Only that fucking bear hunt song freaks me out, and I still don’t know how Vero even knew about it. It is an irrational childhood fear, one my parents used to make me behave and stay in bed as a child. One fear I cannot shake. It makes no sense, and it has not been an issue until Vero.
“There was a man at the bar,” I tell Doren. “He looked like someone I used to know, and it freaked me out a little.”
Doren doesn’t ask who, knowing me well enough that if I wanted to tell him I would.
“I knew it wasn’t him, but my body apparently didn’t get the message.”
“That sucks.”
“I thought I was past this—it’s been a year since the last one.”
He looks at me. “You’re a tough bitch, Kayla. You’ll be okay. Did you want me to tell Rogue?”
I snort, and it’s very unladylike. “God, no.”
“Good choice, she would mother-hen you. Stay here for another five and I will cover you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He stands up and looks down at me. “Five minutes and then come back in. I will have a glass of water ready for you.”
Once I nod, he turns his back and walks toward the bar. I sit and breathe, making sure I am good to go back in there.
After my five minutes are up, I head back inside, and the rest of my shift passes by quickly with no more panic attacks. Everything seems normal, thanks to Doren not treating me like I’m fragile. He was his normal charming self, insulting me at every chance he got.
My phone buzzes as I am walking outside after my shift ends, and I retrieve it from my bag.
Brawley: He is at the corner store.
I smile and send a reply.
Kayla: Thanks. I will go find him.