“Not my woman, they don’t.”
She turns her head to look at me. “You put her job on the line, smashed the place up, and embarrassed her in front of everyone. Do you think because she told youonce that she wants you around that she is going to be fine with what you did?”
“She said she never wants me to?—”
“And I’m sure she meant it when she said it. But she also meant what she said at the bar. Both things can be true. You don’t get to pick one and ignore the other. That’s not how life works.”
“She was bleeding,” I say.
“I know.”
With a sigh, I look out at the island. It’s so calm. “I did that.”
“You did.”
Brawley is watching on, waiting to see what happens next. He knows how volatile it is when Vesper and I are close to each other—it never ends well. His eyes are on Vesper, but she hasn’t looked at him.
“Grow up, Vero,” she says, but there is no cruelty in her tone, which only makes it worse. “You’re not a child. You cannot do what you did then convince yourself it’s okay because she said she wants you around. Your actions don’t cancel that out.”
I don’t reply. What can I say when she is making a good point?
“You want her to stay,” Vesper continues. “Then give her a reason. Sitting up here is not one. It’s just somewhere you don’t have to feel what you did. But I bet she is feeling it right now.”
Looking down at my hands, I see they are shaking.They normally do as I start coming down from an episode and the noise turns down.
“She won’t want me back.”
“Maybe,” Vesper says as she stands up. “Or she just might. But you sitting up here won’t help anything.”
She holds out her hand, and I look at it for a moment. Vesper makes some good points, and I know she is right, even though that sits heavy on my chest and isn’t helpful right now.
“Nah, I think I’m going to stay up here.”
“Okay,” she says with a shrug.
Before I can blink, her foot connects with my back, and I’m falling. It’s surprising how much time I have to think on my way down. My brain, which has been running a thousand miles a minute for the last few days, picks this exact moment to slow down and become calm and observant. I’m falling off the roof because she fucking pushed me.
Even though I knew she wanted to, I didn’t actually think she would do it. I need to brace myself for impact. It’s going to fucking hurt, so I close my eyes and wait for the pain.
Instead, I land on something soft, then I bounce and come back up a little before drifting down. Looking at the sky is all I can do. The wind is completely knocked out of me, and it takes my brain a second to understand that I’m not dead or in pain.
I turn my head and see Karo standing at one end of the mat alongside two of the other guys from the circusdressed as psychotic clowns. I stare back at the roof to find Vesper peering down at me, laughing. Honestly, it’s like I’m in the twilight zone. I don’t think I have ever seen her laugh.
Looking around more, I see Clay pinching the bridge of his nose, and Ares beside him. I finally make eye contact with Brawley, who has his arms crossed.
“Are you done?” Clay asks. “I have shit to do.”
“I think I might have bruised my ass.”
“Good,” he says.
Brawley reaches down and grabs my arm, pulling me to my feet.
“How did they get here?” I ask, motioning my head toward Karo and the others.
“Vesper texted me,” Karo says.
“She knew I wasn’t coming down?”