Until then, my sixth pastry would have to wait.
***
The car dropped me off at home just as my phone rang. I slung my bag over my shoulder as I exited. I couldn't even say I was tired any more. There was nothing there inside me. My only focus was to hold myself up.
Just ten days. That's what I kept telling myself, and it still applied. I just had to keep going until Molly came home, and I could resolve everything with both of them.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I walked to the front door of our house. The sun was already setting, though the air was still warm.
Molly’s dad’s number flashed up on the screen and I paused, my eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
I really wasn’t expecting it. I had been asking her to contact me for two weeks and she hadn't sent me a single reply. But maybe something had happened to her. An accident or a change of plans, or anything that meant I could finally find out what was happening in their tiny corner of the world.
I swiped right just as I unlocked the door, dumping my bag and making a beeline for Mr Snuggles, who was voicing his complaint about being abandoned from the kitchen counter.
“Hello?”
“Harry! Hi!” Molly’s voice filled my ear, and I shuddered to a stop, my breath catching in the back of my throat. Tension rose in me, all my muscles tightening as my stomach dropped.
It had only been a month, but so much had changed between us that it could have been a year. “How are you?” I smiled as I reached for Mr Snuggles, who purred the instant my hand ran across his back.
Even if the conversations to come would be difficult, it was still good to hear from her.
Out of all the ways she could have contacted me, it felt like one of the most bizarre. But considering she hadn't texted me since I’d called my best friend’s name out on the phone to her, it was a relief.
“Oh, yeah, I’m amazing. The wedding was so fantastic, really beautiful. It’s so wonderful to be with my family again, and just to be out here in the fresh air.”
“Oh, that’s good. That’s great.” I thought the weight that had been dragging me down would lift when I finally spoke to her again. Instead, it sank deeper into my stomach, disappointment flooding through me at her for not contacting me like earlier. And at myself, for letting myself spiral so deeply into my imagination.
The silence stretched on, my chest growing tight. It had been too long since our last conversation, and I didn't know what to say anymore. The memory of her slamming the door on me still burned, and I couldn't launch into how much it hurt, especially considering everything that had come afterwards. My excitement over our desire for connection was gone now that she had ghosted me.
“Look, I’ve had a lot of time to think…” She softened, losing the fake peppy edge that she used at work, or when she was covering something up.
“Me too. I don’t think I’ve done anything else but think,” I replied, biting my lip. I was sure I could hide what I was really feeling over the phone, at least.
“Well, I just… I really missed you, Harry, but I just needed some space. And I’d really like to try this. I want to go for it, to get married.” She shuffled at the other end of the line. “When I saw how happy my sister was, how good she and her husband are together, I thought, ‘we can do that’, you know? We can be happy like they are.” She drew a nervous breath. “So, what do you think?”
I wasn’t sure why she was nervous. Apart from my slip on the phone, I hadn’t given her any reason to doubt that I wanted to be with her.
“I…” I cleared my throat. “I think we need to talk.”
“So, you feel the same?”
I paused my hand on Mr Snuggles’ neck, trying to work out how she reached that conclusion.
I wanted safety and comfort. I said that to Dom when I first told him about the engagement, but it had stopped being true weeks ago because Molly and I had entered new territory. I hadn’t been able to separate myself from Dom, no matter how much I tried.
“I just think we need to talk.” I could say no to absolutely anyone, but it was too hard to do with her. Not after everything that we’d been through together since she left.
“Oh.” She let out a heavy breath. “That’s so great. I thought you’d still be angry with me. I’m sorry for the radio silencesince we argued. Like I said in my email, I just wanted some space. And your reply made it sound like you did too.” There was a light pause between us as she laughed. “And my sister went totally bridezilla. She didn’t want any pictures shared of the wedding, or socials, or whatever. It was a bit crazy, to be honest. She demanded we turn off the internet.” She snorted before sighing happily. “But no, seriously, having all that room to think has made me see how I wasn’t understanding you.”
Her voice drifted away. I attempted to listen, but a dull white noise became louder in my ears as she went on. “I just wasn’t considering how much work you really have to do. I felt like an idiot. I was just thinking about myself and I feel so guilty that I kept adding to your stress. I mean, we both worked so hard at the hospital, but I just didn't get it. I was being unreasonable about it all, like with your parties and your family and everything like that. It makes me want to try more, you know?”
“Yeah, that’s good,” I said, numbness seeping across my body, swamping my chest, oozing down my arms, until tingles bit into the hand clutching my phone.
“Molly…” I barely got the words out. “What do you mean you haven’t been in contact?” My heart pounded in my ears. I released Mr Snuggles, pushing my free hand against the countertop to keep myself up.
“Well, I lost my phone, didn’t I?” she replied cheerily.