“Yes, I can,” I said, stepping out of the car.
I closed the door and started walking, but I heard his door slam and he ran up to me.
“Duffy, wait!” he said, grabbing my arm to pull me to a stop. “You have to listen to me.”
“No, I don’t,” I said, glaring at him as I jerked my arm back. “Youusedme—”
“You used me, too!” he said, raising his voice. “You leaned all the way into the PR machine, only I was fine with it because ithelpedyou, Duff.”
I stepped back. “What are you saying? That I should be okay with your deception because ithelpedyou?”
“No,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I think you need to recognize that we did some of the same things.”
“Oh, did we?” I was full-on yelling, but that was better than giving in to the sobs that were threatening to erupt. “Because I don’t think that’s right. The photographers on our first date. Did you know they were going to be there?”
He pursed his lips. Swallowed.
Then he just gave a nod.
Fuck.
“And what about at the hospital? Was that your team, waiting outside when my dad’s fucking lung collapsed—”
“I had no idea they were doing that until afterward, Duff, you have to believe—”
“And you must’ve laughed your ass off when I gushed about the zombie date when it wasn’t even your idea. Just leave me alone, Connor,” I said, cutting him off. I needed to be as far away from him as possible.
The most romantic thing to ever happen to me was a business transaction orchestrated by some stranger named “Bethany” who worked for the NFL.
Yeah, that fucking tracked.
I’d spent so much time worrying about being friend-zoned, but now that was laughable because this was So. Much. Worse.
God, I’d been sosmartto avoid dating after Mom died. I’d beenbrilliantfor not taking a chance and putting myself out there, so right in knowing it would bite me in the ass.
“You can’t just walk down the freeway!” he said, exasperated.
“Lookee, here’s an exit,” I said sarcastically, pointing. “Thanks for yourconcern, but I’m on the shoulder so I’m good.”
I walked away from him, not looking back. I couldn’t. I wasmortified. Because the truth was that part of me had known it all along, right? The entire time we were together—or not together—I’d felt like he was too nice and everything was too perfect.
As it turned out, that was because he was seeing me to keep his bosses happy.
“Will you wait?” he pleaded.
“No,” I said. “Just leave me alone.”
“But I can’t,” he yelled. “I love you!”
“Don’t,” I said through gritted teeth, turning around and pointing my finger, feeling like crumbling to the ground as he said the words I would’ve been over the moon to hear an hour ago. “Don’t you dare say that to me. We’ve never said that to each other and right now, when I learn that this whole thing has been a sham,that’swhen you’re going to throw out the word? Screw you, Connor.”
“It’s how I feel, honestly,” he said weakly, stepping closer to me. “Duffy, come on.”
“Well, it’s not howIfeel,” I said, trying to hold back the tears. “I feel like I hate you. I feel like I was actually right all along.”
“Right about what?” he asked.
“That you weren’t worth the trouble,” I said, wanting to hurt him. Wishing I could make him feel as shitty as I did, even while knowing it was impossible because he didn’t possess the same feelings for me that I had for him this whole time. “That it would’ve been so much better to never see you after the stupid talk show.”