“You ever think about what would have happened if you had come to Howard?” I asked.
She got quiet. The kind of quiet that meant she had thought about it plenty and wasn’t sure how much of it she wanted to say out loud.
“All the time,” she said finally. “Especially after.” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t have to. We both knew what after meant. The night that took Prez. The bullet that took herscholarship. The future she had mapped out dissolving before she was old enough to have a backup plan. “I had a full ride Dex. A full ride.”
“I know,” I said.
“And I threw it away staying with somebody I knew was going to get me hurt.” She shook her head slow. “I just didn’t think it was going to touch me like that.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I knew enough,” she said quietly.
The water moved around us. A bird called somewhere above the trees.
“You know what’s crazy though,” she said, her voice softening. “If I had gone we probably would have fell in love in college. Like Paris and Kyson. Been married by now. Had babies.”
“Probably,” I said.
She smiled, small and a little sad. Then something shifted in her face and she sat up straighter. “Speaking of babies.”She looked at me. “Can we stop at a pharmacy on the way back? I need a Plan B. My window is closing.”
I looked at her for a second.
“What if I’d rather you not take one.”
She stared at me. “What? Dex you’re crazy. We’re not even together. We are not ready for a baby.”
“Let’s be together then Nique.”
“It’s not that simple,” she said, her voice firm but not unkind. “We’re taking things slow. We have to get to know each other again, actually date, I need to form a real relationship with Demi. You need to stop going to war with Amina. And then there’s my personal life.” She looked out at the water. “I can’t be somebody’s mama when my own relationship with my mother is in shambles. And don’t even get me started on Kel. Everything I own is still in her house.”
I nodded slowly. “We’ll get the Plan B.”
She looked relieved.
“But I need you on birth control or something after this.”
She smiled. “You could just use a condom.”
“Every time we end up together condoms are the last thing on either of our minds and you know that.”
She laughed. “That’s exactly why you have a baby right now.”
“On my daddy’s grave I used a condom every single time with Amina.”
She looked at me for a long moment. “I believe you,” she said.
I nodded, appreciating that more than she probably knew.
The water moved quietly around us. I reached for my juice and chose my next words carefully.
“I know what happened with your mom is heavy,” I said. “And I’m going to be here for you and Nel however you need as you figure all of that out.” I paused. “I was talking to Eli and he was telling me how much therapy helped him and London work through everything. I was thinking maybe me and you could do couples therapy. And I also think family therapy for you, Nel, and Stella might be worth looking into when you’re ready.”
“I did therapy after I got shot. Hated every second of it.”
“I remember you telling me that,” I said. “But will you give it one more shot? For me?”
She looked at me.