“It don’t matter, Kenz. I was already struggling with being a father at the time, so the shit don’t bother me. What bothers me is her leaving her, reminding me of these trash-ass mothers who run away from their responsibilities, . . . reminding me of Ashanti. What if I’m not the father? What am I supposed to do with her?”
“Keep her,” Autumn spoke.
I looked at her and shook my head. “You can’t be serious, Ros. Why would I keep a baby that don’t belong to me?”
“Can you direct that same question to Ms. Betty and Mr. Trent?”
“That was different. We weren’t six months old.”
“You all were still kids, though, babe. I just want you to look at the bigger picture here. Clearly, none of the family wants her or can take care of her. Hell, her own mother disowned her. Think about what you’re going through and how Ashanti's leaving still affects you to this very day. She’s just a baby and don’t know what is going on around her. You had a relationship with that woman, and even though you may feel a way about her, you can’t deny that you were preparing yourself to be a father to that little girl.”
I inhaled smoke in my lungs and continued to shake my head. My pacing started again because this shit was overwhelming. Being around Taylor had eased some of my doubts and worries. She was literally another light that brightened up my days, aside from Autumn.
When I was with her, I felt like I could be a good father with my condition, but I was skeptical about Nichelle’s baby. Too much shit happened between Nichelle and me that looking at her every day would bring up the betrayal that brought us here.
I would never hurt an innocent baby, but I was scared I wouldn’t be receptive to her presence in my life because of her trashy-ass mother.
“I’m scared, man,” I admitted. “Kids and babies deserve love. They didn’t ask to be here. I’m scared I might not give her the love she deserves because of her mother. I don’t want to hurt her in that way. That shit is a stain I can’t seem to wash off my life, no matter what I do.”
“We’re going to West Africa after the wedding,” Kenzi said. I looked at her while she stared at me. We were silent for a moment before she spoke again. “For our honeymoon. I know that’s where Ashanti is. Mama Betty told me she’d been sending us postcards over the years of the different places she’d been traveling to. She wrote on one of them that Merrick passed away, and now she’s living in her hometown. I never told you because fuck her, but I do want to know why she did what she did. I just need closure. I think you should come with us so you can get closure too.”
Autumn stood and came to me. She placed her palms on my face as she often did to keep me calm. “And I’ll be right by your side to see you through. I think addressing your past is the only way to release you from the pain of your past.”
I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. “Let’s just get through one thing at a time. I need to go for a ride.”
Kenzi stood. “I’m going to cancel the spa trip.”
“You ain’t—” I started, but she tossed her hand up to silence me.
“You’re my brother, and at the end of the day, I’m going to always be by your side. Too much is happening right now. I can reschedule for another date. Right now, I’m more concerned about you.”
I didn’t say shit as she walked over to me and kissed my cheek. “Go take your ride and clear your head. The girls and I are going to go out for drinks, and tomorrow, we’re going to get this situation sorted out. I love you.”
“Love you too, Sis.” I turned to Autumn and kissed her lips gently. “I was trying to figure out a way to stop you from going to Chicago . . . God works in mysterious ways, don’t He?”
She laughed and mushed me. “You are a mess. You were going to miss me?”
“Always.”
“Shame,” Kenzi said, shaking her head.
Autumn smiled and kissed me again before leaving with Kenzi. I walked them down, then went into the parking structure, hopping on my bike and heading to the clubhouse to vent and clear my head.
Life was truly a motherfucka.
The Wedding
I had been staring at the test results for almost ten minutes. Autumn sat to the left of me, Kenzi sat across from us, and baby Nizara was in her carrier, kicking her chunky legs and making spit bubbles on my right.
We were in Kenzi’s dressing room at The Garden House while she, Autumn, Willow, and Weslei got ready for the wedding.
Since we got the test results that morning, I had been trying to ease the tension I felt inside. As bad as I didn’t want to believe it, Nizara was indeed mine. I knew from her looks alone that she belonged to me, but I just needed confirmation. She didn’t carry the mole trait like we did, but I guess it could skip a generation.
I hadn’t even held her yet, but Kenzi and the ladies had been gushing over her since Kaylani dropped her off to me this morning. I looked over at her and set the paper down.
This is your baby, nigga. Let go of the bullshit and give her the love she deserves.
I reached inside the carrier and lifted her out. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I cradled her in my arms. I looked into her big brown eyes, and when she smiled at me as if she was waiting for this moment, I broke down and pressed my lips to her forehead.