“What medicine did they prescribe you?”
“Methylphenidate. A low dosage at first, but he upped it once he realized it wasn’t working. Honestly, Mary Jane keeps me calmer than taking that punk-ass medicine, but I won’t lie and say it don’t help. Just make me feel real low vibrational, and I don’t like that feeling.”
“I’ll check into that and see what can be done about prescribing you something that doesn’t have that side effect. I won’t make any promises, because all medicines have side effects, but maybe a better mood stabilizer will help.”
I nodded and looked out into the distance. “I feel like I shouldn’t have told you what happened with Ashanti,” I said, eyes going to her.
“Why?”
“Because now you’re probably scared of me and won’t fuck with me when I shoot my shot after this.”
She tried to suppress her smile, but it came through anyway as she shook her head. “You’re going to miss, and it’s not becauseof what you did in your past. I’m here to help you, Ghana. I don’t want to mix the two.”
“Then you’re fired.”
She frowned slightly. “Why am I fired?”
“Because I want you, and since you don’t want to mix business with pleasure, then I’ll see if Willow’s available.”
“Ghana—”
“I’m gon’ keep it a buck with you. I know my condition ain’t something you may be interested in seeing a future with, but when I look at you, I feel calm. Your aura and energy make being around you feel like home. Don’t think I’m crazy to say that shit, but I’d rather be honest than lie to you. I ain’t never felt like this before, besides with my nana, with no other woman . . . not even my sister, and she’s the only one I feel gets me. I ain’t trying to use you as a coping mechanism, but I want to feel safe again, and I feel like you can be that safe space for me.”
She looked off, and I tried to make my heart slow the fuck down. I didn’t want to scare her off, but I wouldn’t hide behind my feelings. I needed her to know I was interested. I grabbed her chin lightly with my thumb and pointer finger and turned her face toward mine, voice low, eyes calm.
“Give me a chance to show you how you make me feel. I ain’t gon’ try to fuck you, even though that pussy’s calling out to me. She smells like when a nigga walks through the door from a hard day’s work, to the smell of a good-ass home-cooked meal waiting for him. I know you ain’t ready for what will come behind that if you feed me that good shit, but just give me some of your time, your presence, and some of that good-ass energy. That’s all I want . . . for now. But when I walk through that door, I want my food ready for me to fuck it up.”
I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly with each breath she took. I leaned closer and pecked her lips.
“Ghana, . . . I—I want to help you.”
“Then give me what I asked for, mama. That’s all I need, and I’ll still fuck with you on the therapy tip. I talk, you give, and I want to clarify that it doesn’t have to be anything sexual. Maybe some dates to get to know each other outside of my pain and condition. Can you fuck wit’ it?”
She let out a heavy breath and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I—can I think about it?”
I shook my head. “Nah. If you have time to think, you’d think too much, and your answer ain’t gon’ make me feel good. Just say yes, mamas. You know you want to.” I smiled and winked at her. That got her to laugh as I joined her.
“I may be making a huge mistake here, but fine. Only under one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You promise to keep things professional at your sessions. No dirty talk. I need you to be focused and willing to get the help you desire. You have to do this for my friend. She’s worried about you.”
I nodded. “I got you. But you have to promise me something too.”
“I already promised you dates, sir, even though this goes against the rules.”
“I just need one more thing.”
“Fine. What is it?”
“Promise me.”
“God, Ghana. I really don’t want to promise you, because I’m a woman who keeps her promises. If what you tell me makes me uncomfortable, I’m going to renege on that promise and feel bad that I promised you.”
“Okay, how about this: pinky swear.” I held out my pinky.
She laughed. “Oh my God! That’s just like a damn promise.”