I shake my head.“I’m exhausted.I’m just going to go to bed.”
“Okay.I hope you had fun.You’ve been really quiet,” Taylor points out.
I force a smile.“I had a great time.I’m just tired.”
Desiree gives me a quick hug.“See you tomorrow.”
As soon as I’m inside my room, I close the door, lock it, lean against it, and slide to the floor.There’s a good chance my legs weren’t going to hold me up much longer.I’m shaking violently.Even this long after I left the pantry, I still feel like I might hyperventilate.Granted, it’s only been about twenty minutes.The guy told me to go home immediately, and I wasn’t about to disobey his order.
No one noticed me coming out of that dark space.When I stepped out, the house seemed louder, the people more drunk, the music more annoying.Somehow, I managed to find my roommates quickly in the front room, and thank heavens, they were all ready to leave.
I’m grateful that the house we’re renting has four separate bedrooms, each with its own bathroom.If I had to go to a shared bathroom to pee and brush my teeth right now, I might not be able to maintain my tenuous composure.
After sitting on the hardwood floor for a long time, I finally manage to stand and make my way on wobbly legs to my bathroom.I don’t turn the light on because I can’t stand the idea of seeing my face right now.There’s enough light coming in from a small window above the shower for me to pee and put toothpaste on my brush.A street lamp outside sends bright streams of light through that window at night.
Shaking as if I’m freezing, I strip out of the clothes I borrowed from Desiree and drop them into the hamper.I’ll wash and return them to her.I’m sure as hell never wearing them again.
It pisses me off that some man has shaken my world to the extent that I’ll never dress provocatively to go to a party.Hell, I can’t imagine ever going to another party.Or stepping out of this house to go to class.Or being able to sleep.
I’m traumatized.How the hell am I going to get over this?Wearing nothing but the cotton panties my assailant guessed I had on, I hurry to my dresser, pull out a long T-shirt, and shrug into it.
When I climb into bed, I’m still trembling badly.Also, my mouth is dry.I never drank anything all evening.After pushing to sitting, I grab the stainless-steel bottle I keep on my nightstand and suck down half the water through the straw.At least I won’t wake up with a dehydration headache.
But who am I kidding?Waking up would require me to fall asleep first.That isn’t going to happen.I pull the covers to my chin and stare blankly at the ceiling.
My room would be darker if I shut the bathroom door.Leaving it open gives me the stream of light from the tiny window.I’m not sure I can tolerate total darkness.My anxiety was already high from the move and life changes, and it just multiplied by a hundred tonight.
Taking deep breaths, I try to calm myself.It’s not possible.I keep hearing his voice in my head.
“You’re so vanilla you’ve probably never had a man pull your hair, have you, princess?”
“Were you hoping to get fucked tonight, princess?”
“Tell me about your panties, princess.”
“I bet no one has ever touched this pussy, have they, princess?”
He won’t stop taunting me.I roll onto my side and pull my knees up.His words were so filthy.He said things I’ve never imagined anyone saying to another human being.
He said them to scare me.I understand better now that I’ve heard the rumor.Rumor, my ass.
I can still feel his fingers teasing my thigh.In fact, I can still feel the slight burn from where he slapped my leg.I reach for it now and rub the spot.Why does the memory of him touching me make me feel tingly?
Even squeezing my eyes shut doesn’t block out the multitude of sensations he evoked.His fingers grazing my neck and down to my cleavage.His lips on my ear.His warm breath hitting my skin.His arm banded tightly around my waist, his forearm pressing the underside of my breasts.
But what stands out the most is his rough fingertips against my thigh, so close to my sex.My pussy.I shiver at the way he said the wordpussy.So dirty.
Stop it, Briana.He’s getting to you.It was just a prank.You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.You’re lucky it was only a stupid freshman joke.You’re not hurt.He didn’t touch you intimately.Not really.It was a game.A stunt.It’s over.
Rolling to my side, I pull open my nightstand drawer and grab the bottle of melatonin.I try not to use it too often.I worry about growing dependent on it, but it does help me sleep.I pop one in my mouth, down some more water, and slide under the covers.
What I need is sleep.But I need my mind to stop racing so I can accomplish that.I’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.
Four
Rook
I’m breaking all the rules.