“It’s not.” It came out as a whisper. And while I thought I should feel guilty, I didn’t. “It’s not, Dad. I was… I was excited about the idea of someone else running it.” I shook my head. “I don’t like that you sold it without talking to me. And I’m really mad that Ronan’s family used it to manipulate us both. But if you were ready to sell, I would have done it too. I understand now why you moved on. I’m ready to do that too.”
He slid an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, so that we could lie back on the couch together, snuggled the way we did when I was still a teenager, living at home. “I’m glad to hear it, kid.”
“But, Dad?”
“What’s that?”
I sat up so that I could look straight at him. “I still need you. When Mom died, I needed my dad. And you just… left.”
Grief flashed across his face, followed by guilt. “I know. I’ve been lost too. But that was no excuse for leaving you here the way I did.” He squeezed my shoulder again. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Will you disappear again?”
He yanked me close, and I inhaled the familiar scent of coffee, Irish Spring soap, and his favorite aftershave. “Never.”
“I still miss her so much,” I whispered. “Will it ever stop?”
His sigh filled his entire chest, and I could hear the tears clog his throat. “I don’t know, kiddo. Hasn’t yet for me.”
We sat there for a long time, crying together the way we should have long before now. When I finally sat up to wipe my eyes, I suddenly felt more tired than I had in a very long time. Maybe my body and soul were ready to heal in more ways than one.
“I could move back,” Dad said as I got up to make myself some tea. “They’ve got golf and pickleball up here too.”
“No, don’t do that. You’re happy in Arizona, aren’t you?”
He shrugged. “As happy as I can be right now, sure. But I want you to be happy too, hon.”
I sighed as I set the kettle on the stove to heat. “I will be. One day.”
Dad twisted on the couch toward me. “You gonna tell me what happened with you and your new husband, or will I have to bribe it out of you with chocolate like when you were a kid?”
My chest tightened, but my heartbeat remained the same. Thankfully, that hadn’t gone too haywire at the reception. Stress was always a trigger, but Megan had gotten me out of there before things had gotten too bad.
“The truth is, I think it was all a sham. Not for me, I mean. My part was just a mistake. A stupid, drunken mistake. But for him… I think he just wanted to stay married so he could prove himself to his father and his board and become CEO of their big company. I was just a—” I cut myself off as I selected a chamomile. “You know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over.”
Dad watched me for several moments while I chose a mug and took too much time to put the tea bag in place. “Are you sure about that?”
“I have to be.” I couldn’t quite meet his gaze, though.
“I see.” Dad twisted his mouth in that expression I knew well—the “let Laney figure out Laney” look he and Mom used to share when they thought I was being stupid. All the same, they allowed me to make my own mistakes. Just like he was doing now. “Well, if you ever need to talk, day or night…”
I managed a weak smile. “Thanks, Dad. Right now, I just need a cup of hot tea and a very long nap. Things will look different after a few hours of sleep.”
He nodded. “How about I rustle up some mac and cheese tonight for dinner? Your favorite boxed kind with minimal nutritional value?”
I grinned. “Only if we make Mom’s cucumber salad too. She’d want us to eat something healthy.”
He grinned right back. “It’s a date.”
Unfortunately,once I was ensconced in my bedroom, belly full of warm tea, one of Mom’s knit blankets around my shoulders, sleep didn’t come quite as easily as I hoped. Even less so when I did the one thing I knew I shouldn’t and turned on my phone.
It exploded with messages and missed calls.
All of them from the same curly-haired, mischievous-faced man I knew I’d be dreaming about for a long time, whether I wanted to or not.
Ronan
Where did you go?