I don’t touch her—I’m too afraid of hurting her.
So I watch her breathe.
And I don’t sleep.
41
I’m Never Leaving You Again
Emily's Search History: am I insane for being in love with my ex-patient?
Emily
Myeyelidsareheavyas I force them open, blinking a few times.
The first thing I see is Eli, staring at me as though he can’t bear to take his eyes off me. He probably can’t.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, his voice taut and strained.
I don’t respond—we both know I’m not okay. Instead, I push myself up against the pillows and stroke Graham, his body pressed right up against my uninjured side.
“The house—”
“Is fine.” Eli cuts me off. “We tidied it last night.”
I swallow hard, my throat thick as tears burn. “I should have listened to you.”
Eli’s shoulders bunch. “You should have.” I open my mouth,but he rushes to continue. “But I know why you didn’t.”
“You do?”
“You were protecting Graham.”
My head jerks up and down. “She would have killed him. She always hated him.” Graham growls beside me, as if he knows whosheis. “He was protecting me too,” I tell Eli, looking at him through my lashes.
Eli smiles softly. “He’s brave.”
I let my head fall against Eli’s firm shoulder, taking comfort in his warmth. “Thank you for helping me.”
“I should have been here.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
His fists clench at his sides. “We knew she was messaging you. She told us she was in London. We shouldn’t have assumed the quiet since Liam meant she was done.”
“It’s done now,” I murmur.
All my training on how to negotiate someone down from a ledge went out the window seeing her again. I knew I should have used soft, neutral language. I knew I should have been more agreeable in order to calm the threat. But none of that mattered in the moment.
I didn’t exactly mean to kill her. But I’d resigned myself to the possibility. It was me or her. When she came at me again, I grappled with her for the knife.
All I could think about was Izzy—about the catharsis she felt from killing her rapists. About Carina. Tess. I remembered the abuse Gia put me through.
I knew I couldn’t run anymore.
I couldn’t stop myself as the knife ended up buried in her chest. I didn’twantto stop myself.
And now, sitting here, letting my stalker comfort me, I realise something.