Not mine to want.
Not mine to love.
And now I am more than a fool. I am a fool who has fallen for a man promised to someone else. Another man refusing to fight for me.
“You should have told me the moment you came to my window.”
“That is what I planned on doing. But then I saw you and…I did not want to let you go.”
Yes, well, it’s a little late for that, now, isn’t it? At least if he told me before I wouldn’t look like such a fool for throwing myself at him.
I turn and wade toward the shore, the stones slippery beneath my feet and water sloshing behind me. I scoop up my robe and slippers, clutching them to my chest before Everett reaches his own discarded clothes.
Then I run. Away from him—away from everything—all because my heart has been stolen by a man who cannot keep it.
Everett calls my name, but I don’t slow down.
He could catch me if he wanted. His legs are more than long enough, and he doesn’t eat extra helpings of pie after every dinner. He doesn’t evenlikepie.
If I’d known that from the beginning, I would’ve realized the two of us would have never worked.
How can you trust a man who doesn’t like pie?
With my lungs blazing in my chest, I reach the back gate. Although I cannot see the guard, I can hear him shuffling around on the street. Dirt and grass cling to my feet as I climb the trellis, ignoring the scrape of thorns against my legs. The stinging doesn’t ebb as I scramble onto the roof and slip back into my room.
Nia sits up from where she’s curled on my bed, rubbing her eyes as she blinks at me.
“Kerris?” she whispers, her voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?” Her brow furrows as her gaze sweeps down my form. “Are youwet?”
I pick up the flowers, vase and all, and throw them from my window. The sound of shattering glass explodes in the night. I hope the guard goes to investigate and cuts his feet to ribbons. I hope Everett is watching from the shadows and sees exactly what I’ve done with those infernal blooms that felt like they meant everything only to mean nothing now.
A gift as empty as all the others.
Once the window has been slammed shut and latched, I let myself crumble to pieces. Sobs wrack my body and tears flood my eyes, splashing into the puddle my soaked clothing leaves on the wooden planks. “H-he’s engaged.”
“Oh, Kerris.” Nia sinks onto the floor next to me, pulling me into her chest.
“You don’t want to do that. I’m s-soaked through.” She feels so warm and steady, I can’t bring myself to draw away.
“I don’t care about a little water.” Her arms tighten around me. “How did you find out?”
“We went to a lake. It was so romantic. I kissed him.” Replaying the joyous moment is like death by a thousand thorns. “It was the most beautiful kiss of my entire life.” I will dream of it for the rest of my days.
“The tongue?”
“The t-tongue.” I’d wanted Everett’s mouth to cover every inch of my body, to consume not only my mouth, but to also consume me.He’s not yours. He’s not yours.“Then he pulled away and told me he’s to be mated with someone else. W-what am I going to do?”
She runs a hand down my soaked hair, careful to avoid the many tangles. “You cry until you have no more tears, and then you dry yourself off and get some sleep.”
If I sleep, I’ll dream ofhim.
You made me want what I cannot have.
If only I’d told Everett from the beginning that if he wanted me, I was already his.
37
Everett