Every time I search the shadows for my mate—every time I see her face—she isn’t really there.
Because she is dead.
The tightness in my chest refuses to ease. I’ve been torn in two, the other half of me cut out and stolen by fate. My thumb grazes down the thick silver scars on my palms. That is why I dust. Because I’m searching for an escape from this unending pain and grief and guilt that lives inside my bones.
Why am I still hanging on, waiting for someone who is never coming back?
Love a ghost, become a ghost yourself.
Boris goes to put his arm around me, seems to think better of it, and clamps a hand on my shoulder instead. “I am so sorry, brother. It breaks my heart to see you so distraught. But if you continue down this path, you will be left with nothing.”
I already have nothing.
“Just because the princess is not the wife you want does not mean she cannot make you happy,” he says, his tone guarded. “Open your heart to her. She is quite taken with you. I daresay her affections run deep.”
I doubt her affections are genuine, but who am I to judge? I was head over heels for a woman I knew for only a handful of months.
A resigned sigh pushes through my lips. “I will try.”
“I want your word, Senan.”
What good is that? I break my promises more often than I keep them.
“Swear to me that you will accept this alliance. That you will stop trying to defy your destiny and marry the princess.”
I drag in a ragged breath and manage to bury my heartache deep enough that I do not falter in my response. “I swear.”
Twenty-Six
ALLETTE
THEN
I’m not nervous.
I’m resolute. Steadfast. Unwavering.
Like the towers of Kumulus Castle or the spires of Polaris temple.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a bloody wreck. But as I catch a glimpse of myself in my mirror’s reflection, I decide there is no going back. I’ve had weeks to think this over.
Suitors keep calling to our tower despite my attempts to keep them at bay, and this life I’ve built for myself feels as if it’s slipping through my fingers. I’m losing control, and it’s only a matter of time before what little I still possess is stripped away as well.
Because my aunt has informed me that I have until Yule to find a husband. And since the man I yearn for is eternally unavailable, I have decided to do something reckless.
My fingers tremble as I cinch the belt on my silk robe a little tighter, waiting with eager anticipation for my prince to arrive.
My hair and makeup are as close to perfect as I can get them. The silver silk robe feels like liquid luxury against my skin. Candles flicker from my bedside tables, and incense fills the air with jasmine.
The stage is set. All I need is the final piece.
A shadow sweeps over my balcony. Senan lands silently, the silhouette of his mammoth black wings vanishing with his glamour. He parts the curtains with a smile on his face.
A smile that vanishes the moment he sees me waiting at the foot of my bed.
His widening eyes reflect the flickering flames on either side of me. He twists toward the balcony, then back again. “Is this a dream?” He gestures to where I stand, my heart slamming in my breast so hard, I wonder if he can hear it. “Because this feels like a dream.”
This does feel like a dream. A beautiful, wonderful, terrifying dream where I am confident and free to take what I want. Which is what I plan to do. “Shut the door and pull the curtains.”