I sink onto a bed with sheets the color of rust and wait, hoping Allette gives me a chance to explain.
An hour passesbefore the door to the adjoining room eases open.
I launch to my feet, my heart in my throat as Allette steps into the room and lowers the hood she wears that conceals her cerulean waves.
“You came.” In hindsight, asking her to drop everything for me wasn’t fair, but my innate selfishness won out, as it always does.
Her hands fall in front of her, twisting and wrenching her littlest finger. After all that has transpired between us, I’d hoped she would have moved beyond her nervousness. “I wasn’t going to. But I know what it’s like to be left hanging and wanted to give you more courtesy than you gave me.”
Nothing like getting straight to the heart of the matter. Her anger and irritation, while warranted, cut like a serrated blade. “I’m dreadfully sorry for yesterday. I was called into an unexpected meeting that I couldn’t escape.” Boris and I have never been on what I would consider “good” terms, but if that meeting costs me Allette, I will never forgive him.
“Apologies aren’t necessary. You are not beholden to me. You took your pleasure and gave me mine. Our arrangement has come to a natural conclusion.”
“You don’t mean that.” She can’t. The only conclusion that seems natural is the two of us being together for eternity. “When I said I loved you, I meant it.”
Her pursed lips flatten, as if my love is not a joy but a burden. “You only think you love me.”
Could this need in my bones be driven by lust and nothing more? No. I’ve tasted lust—drowned in it. The moment I’d spent myself, I hadn’t wanted anything to do with the women I’d been with. Nothing against them, they were all lovely in their own right, and I wish them well, but I haven’t spared any of them a second thought.
Unlike Allette.
My desire—my need—for her consumes me.
My head shakes even as my heart swells with confidence. “No, Allette. I know I love you as surely as I know I will never love another.”
Still, she does not smile. If anything, it looks as if she is on the verge of tears. “I’m certain the feeling will fade.”
“Then I shall fade with it.” Without her, I’d wilt like a flower without the sun. “Stay with me. Please?”
She drags her fingers beneath her eyes, clearing the tears limning her lashes. “Even if I wanted to stay, I’m no good to you today. My quarterly cycle has begun.”
No good to me? Gods, what a fool I am.
Allette believes I am only interested in her body.
And why wouldn’t she? I literally rented a room for us to share for an hour. I should’ve asked her to come to the royal solarium so we could spend the morning lounging beneath the flowers, conversing over trivial things. Should’ve asked her to meet me at Polaris Temple so I could worship her.
Because as much as I love her body, I love her mind and her heart even more.
She holds out the key I sent, but instead of taking it, I pat the mattress next to me. “Sit with me.” If only she would step closer so I could smooth the wrinkle between her brows. “I haven’t seen my girl in over a week, and I am dying to hear how she fared.”
“Yourgirl?”
“Mine.” Simple as that.
She sinks down next to me, still too rigid, leaving too much space between us for my liking. I slide an arm under her, dragging her to my side. After a moment of hesitation, her head falls to my shoulder, her hair tickling my chin.
After a little prodding, Allette tells me about a new dress that her aunt purchased which she loathes and afternoon tea with two of her classmates. By all accounts, they’re mundane stories, yet I am enraptured. I could listen to her voice forever and never tire.
“How was your week?” she asks when she finishes a particularly enchanting story about her visit to the mountain park.
“My week was dull.” And speaking of life in the castle only reminds me of the cage to which I must return. I want to learn more about her, to know Allette Rittey better than anyone else in this realm. What she likes, what she loathes, all her hopes and fears.
When she shifts her weight, one of her silken curls falls over my hand, and I coil the luxurious strands around my finger. “When you dream at night, what do you dream of?”
Her short nails click against my shirt’s buttons. “Mostly about the future.”
I’ve never seen the point of dreaming about my own future when it has been set in stone since I was a child.