Bloody hell. Tadhg was a father.
That made me astepmother. All the stories I’d read cast stepmothers as evil, wicked women. With the anger growing in my chest, I understood why.
Leesha’s pale blue skirts swirled when she twisted toward the hallway. “Are you hungry, little one? Why don’t we go down to the kitchens and see if we can find you some milk?”
While I had been raised to marry a rich man and bear his children, I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother. My own mother had died when I was young, and I only had a few memories of her. Thank goodness Leesha was here.
A pang of guilt replaced the traitorous thought. I shouldn’t be grateful to the woman who had come between my sister and the man she loved. And yet here I stood, grateful all the same.
Tadhg took my hand, and before I knew what was happening, we were standing in his bedroom, deafening silence stretching between us like a great chasm.
The moment I got my bearings, I yanked free, putting as much distance between us as I could. When he touched me, I could think of nothing but his betrayal, and my head needed to remain clear for this conversation.
Sinking onto the edge of his bed, Tadhg dropped his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry.”
I could practically taste his sorrow in the air, but sometimes apologies weren’t enough. Sometimes apologies were just useless words that filled the silence when there was nothing else to say. I gripped my hands in front of me and drew in a steadying breath. “You said that you took precautions while I was gone.”
He scrubbed his hands down his thighs, his gaze pinned to the wooden floor. “And I did…after what happened with Anwen.” He dragged a hand through the riotous curls atop his head. “I remember being up in the tower with you and having a little too much to drink. My brother had sentenced Anwen to death for stealing something from the humans…” His eyes narrowed as if searching the knots in the wooden floor for answers. “I can’t recall what it was. But Aveen came and asked for my help. I didn’t want to go, but I told her I would. My brother killed me for interfering.”
As if I needed another reason to dislike Rían.
“When I came back,” Tadhg went on, “I walked straight to Anwen’s, like I promised. But my brother had already pardoned her.” He fell silent, his shoulders lifting as he inhaled a ragged breath. When he raised his eyes to mine, the emerald pools glimmered with unshed tears. “Anwen and I have a history together, and she assumed I’d come over for a different reason. I tried to tell her that I wasn’t there for that, but she wasn’t interested in talking.”
“What do you mean youtriedto tell her?”
Tadhg, the bloody prince of seduction, actually blushed. “The witch likes to…play games. And if I hadn’t just died and been weak as a babe—” He cursed. “Sorry. Weak as a…well, just weak, I might’ve been able to break the spells she used to keep me silent.”
I didn’t need to know what sort of games the witch liked to play. The fact that she liked to play them with the man I loved was enough of a revelation. “She took advantage of you,” I said, reminding us both of the reality of this situation. If Tadhg hadn’t been cursed, he would’ve been able to turn her down.
“Not on purpose.” His brow furrowed. “At least, I don’t think so.”
Hearing that didn’t make me hate the woman any less. Maybe this wasn’t her fault. Maybe it was. Either way, the consequences remained the same. Where did this leave me? Where did this leave us?
I sank onto the mattress next to him. “I don’t know what to do.” It wasn’t his fault. I knew that. But I didn’t know how to cope or move past this. Hell, I didn’t even know how I felt.
No. That wasn’t true. I felt numb. Empty.
Like that tiny life had stolen my joy, leaving me devoid of emotion.
Tadhg’s shoulder grazed mine as he shifted on the end of the bed. “I don’t know what to do either. And I don’t know the first thing about raising a feckin’ child. I can barely keep myself alive some days.”
He had a point. Running the country and dealing with the blight took up most of Tadhg’s free time already. Would he be able to make time for his son? Perhaps I could hire someone to mind the baby. That was what most rich families in Airren would do. Hire a wet nurse or a nanny or a governess. Did they do the same in Tearmann? Would I be able to find one who hadn’t slept with my bloody fiancé?
Perhaps Millie, the maid I’d hired for after the wedding, had some experience. Would she be able to start sooner?
Tadhg’s teeth scraped across his lips. The way his shoulders curled in on themselves made him look like a lost little boy.
All I wanted was to run and hide and cry. Instead, I slid my fingers through his chocolate curls and drew his head down to my shoulder. “We will find our way through it.”
A broken sob wrenched from his throat as his hands climbed my thighs to my waist, hugging me closer. “I won’t blame you if you leave me.”
“I’m not leaving.” I’d chosen Tadhg, and he’d chosen me, for better or for worse. Yet, as we clung to each other, I wondered if we were strong enough to get through this together or if it would be what finally tore us apart.
23
AVEEN
Sunlight leakedthrough the leaded glass windows in the family room, warming my back. Part of me missed all the rain in Airren. A bit of miserable weather would have provided an excuse for my mood that didn’t make me sound like a pathetic woman pining over a man.