So many words and none of them good. I swallowed my groan.
Even if I wanted to sail off into the sunset with Rían, I couldn’t leave my sister here all alone with Tadhg. I still wasn’t sure the bloody Gancanagh was the best option for a husband or a protector. Some days, the man didn’t seem able to care for himself.
I needed to speak with her and observe the two of them together to ensure this was what she wanted.
Besides, who was to say the Queen wouldn’t send the merrow to sink our ship into the bay? Or that she wouldn’t follow us to the ends of the earth once she learned her son had fled? “Rían, look at me.” Bloodshot eyes met mine. “I understand,” I said, hovering somewhere between wanting to hug him and wanting to hit him over the head with a candlestick. “I do. But knowing the Queen may be coming for us doesn’t change my mind. However, if you want to go, you can. I won’t try to stop you.”
His hand jerked to the scar on his chest like it did every time he was on the verge of a panic attack—which seemed to be twice a day now.
“You don’t want me here?” He started blinking rapidly. “I knew it. I feckin’ knew this would happen.”
This man. Always so quick to jump to the direst conclusions.
“Rían…” I wanted to reassure him, but one glance at the boarded-up windows and cache of weapons in the far corner, and the words turned to ash on my tongue. He didn’t allow me to go to the garden or leave the house without an escort. I hadn’t been alone in weeks.
I eased onto the mattress with a heavy sigh, and something hard rammed my hip. My stomach sank as I slid a long dagger with a serrated blade from beneath my pillow.
We couldn’t keep going like this.
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose to ward off the thumping in my skull. “Perhaps it would be better for us both if we took a break.”
“I knew it,” Rían muttered to himself, rubbing his hand over his chest. “I feckin’ knew it. You’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t.”
“You have.” The corset fell onto the floor. “I’m sorry my love for you is such an inconvenience.”
His love was a gift. His paranoia was the inconvenience. I never thought I’d say this, but I missed the man who didn’t care about anyone or anything.
He jerked his curved dagger from its sheath and waved the handle at me. “Take it. Go on. Put me out of my misery and cut out my worthless heart.”
“Stop being so bloody dramatic and put that thing away.” I’d done my best over the past five months to handle him with care, but I was finished. Rían O’Clereigh needed some tough love, and since I loved him more than anyone, I had to be the one to give it to him.
He shoved his dagger back into the sheath with a vicious curse.
“As far as the Queen is concerned, I threw myself off the cliff and died.” Sure, she might’ve learned that I’d been resurrected with Tadgh’s life force, but the odds of her realizing that had made me a true immortal were slim.
His fingers resumed their tapping against his thighs. “When she finds out—”
“If she finds out.”
“Whenshe finds out,” he ground out, “she will not rest until we both suffer.”
Fine. If he wanted to doom and gloom, I’d go down that rabbit hole with him. “Can we stop the Queen?”
His lips pressed together in a slight grimace.
“If she came to the door right now, would these stop her?” I got up and kicked over the quiver leaning against the bedpost, spilling arrows across the floor. I didn’t even know how to shoot a bloody bow. “What about this?” I stalked to the corner and tried to lift a broadsword. Bloody hell. Only a giant could have wielded such a weapon. From the way Rían avoided looking at me, I assumed I’d made my point. “Well? Does any of this give us a chance of winning against her?”
His jaw worked as he stared down at the rest of the weapons. There were daggers under the mattress. Daggers beneath the sofa’s cushions. Daggers in the bloody privy.
“Answer the question, Rían.”
He nudged an arrow with the toe of his boot. “I don’t want to.”
“Fine. Allow me.” I let go of the sword, and the weapon fell against the wall with a shrillclang. “The answer is no. If the Queen comes for us, there isn’t a damn thing we can do to defeat her. So why don’t we stop worrying and start living? Why don’t we do something productive with our time instead of hiding away like criminals?”
He’d barricaded the bloody windows, for goodness’ sake. What was next? The door?