Four days had come and gone, and there was still no sign of Rían. Millie minded Hagan, Ruairi had taken over Rían’s trial duties, and Tadhg and Keelynn were busy meeting with Danú and relocating those who had been run out of their homes by the spreading blight.
At my wit’s end, I descended the stairs into the kitchens, where Eava hummed and scrubbed a pot big enough to boil a whole pumpkin.
“Do you want any help with dinner?” I asked, desperate for something to do with my hands.
“Oh, no, child. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” When Eava glanced over her shoulder at me, her black eyes softened, and she gave me a small, knowing smile. “But if ye’d like to peel those potatoes, I can get to work on the roast.”
Working with a sharp knife would require concentration, keeping me from thinking about how angry I was at Rían. I chose anger because it was the only emotion strong enough to mask my fear.
I gripped the knife and picked up a potato to slowly work the blade around, revealing the ivory flesh beneath the reddish-brown peel.
Eava unwrapped a hunk of meat wrapped in brown paper and set it inside a deep pan. “I’m surprised yer not out in the gardens. It’s a lovely day.”
Every day in Tearmann was lovely. But being surrounded by life and beauty no longer brought me peace when I felt so barren inside.
Tears sprang into my eyes.
“Oh child,” Eava sighed. “Let’s put that knife down.” She took the blade from my clenched fist and set it aside before folding me in a warm, sugary hug. “It’ll be grand. Just you wait and see.”
“You can’t possibly know that.”
“But I do. My boy’s smarter than any thieving pirate out there.”
Ríanwassmart—even if he had no regard for his own safety. “I just wish he would’ve stuck to the plan.”
“Wishin’ won’t pay the bills. My boy’s changed a great deal since he met ye, but he’s still the same hero in a villain’s waistcoat.” She chuckled to herself and shook her head. “I knew from the moment I heard yer plan that he had no intention of letting ye set foot on that ship. He’ll always protect what’s his. And nothing’s gonna change that.”
I’d known that about him, hadn’t I? Perhaps some small part of me had known that he never would’ve allowed Caden to take me and that’s why I’d slept so well that night. With all the doom and gloom surrounding us, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Rían wouldn’t let any of it touch me. But now he wasn’t here…and perhapsthatwas the real reason I felt so unsteady.
“Plans to get ye back are all well and good, but plans fail,” Eava went on, going back to the counter to dice carrots. “Our Rían needed to control the situation, and that meant throwing himself in harm’s way instead. Not saying it’s right or fair, but that’s the way he is.”
Rían wouldn’t have been able to predict Caden’s reaction or the aftermath of the exchange. He’d been genuinely worried that I would choose to be with Caden over him.
And why wouldn’t he be? I’d been holding back my heart ever since Leesha had returned. A part of me wondered if I would be enough for him. If he would regret his decision to choose me over her. I should’ve jumped at his proposal among the coffins and married him that very same night.
Instead, I chose to break his heart.
Something I would need to remedy when he returned.
Ifhe returned.
No. I had to cling to hope, to tell myself and the fates that no matter what, Rían and I would find one another again.
After all, we had forever to search.
I just prayed it wouldn’t take that long.
41
TADHG
Hagan snored quietlyin his cot. Every so often, a sleepy smile would grace his pudgy face. The lad loved his grub—like his father. That word,father, still didn’t sound right on my lips, but here I was, responsible for raising another person. Heaven help poor Hagan having myself and Rían as role models. Maybe Keelynn’s influence would take over and he’d have a hope of growing up with some semblance of decency.
Keelynn rose from where she’d been reading on the bed and came to stand next to me. Her head fell to my shoulder as we stared down at the little boy. “He’s perfect,” she whispered.
“He really is.”
Her fingers slipped around my arm and squeezed. “Come. Let us take a turn about the gardens while he rests.”