“How are you?”
Miserable and lonely. “I am well. And you?”
His shoulders fell. “I miss you.”
I missed him too, dreadfully, but this plan wouldn’t work if he knew how close I was to my breaking point. “Would you like some tea?” I asked instead, turning toward the kitchen.
“No, thank you. I can’t stay long. We’ve asked some guests to the castle to help us try to find a way to stop the blight.”
That was brilliant news. Why did it make me feel so sad? “It sounds like you’re quite busy.”
“Not busy enough to keep me from missing you.” The sigh that left him sounded of longing and regret. “I’m so sorry, Keelynn.”
I knew he was sorry. His remorse had never been the problem. The way he dealt with it, drowning himself or avoiding the issues altogether, that was the real problem.
“I think…” His Adam’s apple bobbed above the silver scars encircling his throat. “No, IknowI took advantage of you, cast all my problems on your shoulders so I didn’t have to deal with them. You were right in forcing me to face the consequences of my actions on my own.
“I’ve been so selfish for so long that having someone else to take care of—someone who cannot care for himself—has been a revelation. One I cannot possibly deal with while drunk or hungover.” His gaze flicked up to mine, overflowing with emotion. “I haven’t had a drink since you left me.”
Although I’d been asking Ruairi for updates, to hear Tadhg hadn’t had a drop of alcohol from the man himself gave me some hope that we would both come out of this stronger than before.
“I didn’t leave you, Tadhg.” I may not have been at the castle physically, but he held my heart no matter where I went. I felt like only half a person when he wasn’t near. Even if we weren’t together, I would always be his. “I need you to know that I will never mind you leaning on me. When your burdens feel heavy, that’s what I’m here for. But to cast them all on my shoulders and treat me like a pack mule cannot happen again.”
“I know. I want to do the same for you, to be strong enough to not only deal with my own problems but to help with yours as well.”
He’d spent the beginning of our relationship doing just that, saving me at every turn, ensuring my safety, bringing me right where I needed to be.
A good week finding himself didn’t mean he would be cured of this need to drown his sorrows. After so many years giving in, denying himself would be a constant struggle. One I didn’t want him to suffer through alone.
He stepped forward and reached for my hand slowly, as if waiting for me to pull away. I couldn’t if I’d tried. His warm fingers clasped mine, tangling us together. My love for him sparked like tinder in my heart.
“Come back to me,” he whispered.
Such simple words, and yet the request was anything but. I wanted to say yes, to leap into his arms and return to our life together in that castle, to my family borne not of blood but through fate. But before that could happen, I needed to make sure this wasn’t a temporary fix. That Tadhg truly had turned a corner because I couldn’t bear to see him slip into darkness over and over again.
His son deserved better and so did I.
Somehow I found the strength to pull away. I clasped my hands behind my back to keep myself from reaching for him once more. “Not yet.”
His eyes widened. “But the wedding is tomorrow.”
“I know.”
Tadhg’s breath fanned against my cheek when his soft lips grazed my temple. “I will wait for you,” he said. “For a day, for a month, for a year. Whenever you’re ready to come back to me, I will be there.”
I’m ready now. Take me with you.
My boots remained planted on the worn floorboards as Tadhg drifted toward the door, his shoulders slumped and head bowed.
I almost stepped forward, almost called him back. Except I needed to be certain this change ran deeper than the surface. That Tadhg could handle the disappointment without shirking his responsibilities to his son and his people. I would be at the wedding tomorrow…I only prayed Tadhg would be sober when I arrived.
* * *
I fisted the ivory lace of my skirts. If Tadhg could have seen this wretched gown, he’d probably change his mind about marrying me again.
The hinges on the front door whined when it swung open. Aveen stepped in from the sunny day, but when her gaze landed on me, her smile vanished. “Keelynn, you look…”
“Hideous. I know, it’s awful.” I stood from the sofa and clasped my trembling hands in front of me.