Where did I begin? The past, I could learn to forgive, but this guilt felt impossible to overcome. “The thought of caring for another man feels as if I am betraying Alrec.” He’d only been gone a matter of weeks. Even my closest friend thought me a traitor for softening toward Caiman.
She brushed my hair back from my face, smoothing a hand along my damp cheek. “How can you think betraying a dead man is worse than betraying yourself? I have seen the two of you together, there is something between you—something deep and true. There always has been. Why do you think I encouraged you to uphold the contract?”
How could she have seen something that wasn’t there? All we’d felt for one another for years had been disdain. Perhaps some tolerance as well. But a solid relationship needed to be built on more.
If not love, at least respect and trust.
In this moment, it felt as if I couldn’t even trust myself.
“I don’t know if I can trust him, Mum. They say he’s done terrible things.”
Her lips pursed. “Like what?”
I listed the grievances Alrec and Kerrington had told me about. The time as children when Caiman had burned all of Alrec’s favorite toys. When he had tried to drown Kerrington in the sea. When he had accosted a woman for stepping in front of his horse. The list went on and on.
My mother remained silent for what felt like forever, her brow slightly furrowed as she considered all I’d revealed.
“Well?” I desperately needed someone to tell me what to do. Was I was a fool for considering returning to Iodale, or was I a fool for thinking I could come to care for the man I’d married?
Which one was it?
She touched a finger to my brow. “What have you seen with these eyes?” The top of my ear. “What have you heard with these ears? What do you feel in your heart?” She pressed a hand to my chest.
“That’s what scares me most of all.” That Alrec may have lied to me about everything. All these years, I may have trusted—may have loved—the wrong man. How could I be certain this wasn’t a mistake as well? “What if none of it was real? What if he never loved me at all?”
“Prince Alrec loved you. But I’m afraid he loved himself more.”
It felt traitorous to admit it, but sometimes I’d felt the same.
“I cannot speak of the stories I don’t know,” she went on, “but Prince Caiman has been nothing but kind to me. To be honest, I was shocked when you picked his brother. But I respected your decision just as I will respect your decision in this.”
“He’s better off without me.” He deserved a wife who trusted him. One who could give him her whole heart without reservation. A fresh start with someone else.
“You and I both know that’s not true. He is all alone and expected to rule a nation. You are exactly the woman he needs.”
Was I that woman? I wasn’t so sure. But I could be.
“I always thought he despised me.” And I’d been so horrible to him for so long. Could he find it in his heart to forgive me?
A small, sad smile played on my mother’s lips when her eyes fell on the picnic still spread across the rug. “Midnight picnics are not the actions of a man who despises his wife.”
She left me there, staring at a plateless picnic thrown together by Caiman’s own hands. He would’ve had to go to the kitchens to gather everything. And yet he’d done it—not because it had been expected of him but because he’d wanted to.
He’d done it for me.
Going back to Iodale felt like giving up on who I knew in my bones I was meant to be: the first fae queen of Vellana. I wanted to make a difference in this world. If Caiman married someone else, who’s to say she would feel the same? Perhaps she would be content to sit on a tiny throne at his side wearing a pretty dress and a demure smile.
Was that what this country—what this alliance—needed?
I thought of Iodale and Vellana, two different islands that both felt like home.
I thought of the humans and the fae, two groups of people who had, through marriage, become my family. My responsibility.
Finally, I thought of Alrec and Caiman. Could there be room in my heart for them both?
I picked up the empty wine bottle, remembering the way I’d felt when I found Caiman knocking on my door. The relentless flutters in my stomach. The pounding of my heart. The desire coursing through my veins.
If I could learn to trust him, I knew I could love him as well.