I had gotten my wish, and now all I wanted was to hide.
“Why would you want to be one of us when you get to be you?”
The look she gave me, all furrowed brow and searching eyes, left me slowing my pace as we approached the small room she’d been assigned, just off the queen’s suite.
“You can come in if you’d like,” she whispered, her cheeks turning pink.
There was no chance I was going into a bedchamber with another woman. Still, I didn’t want to sound like an ass, so I lied and said, “I want to return to my wife.”
A wife who didn’t want me.
A wife who hated me.
A wife who believed I was a violent reprobate.
Lowri nodded and slipped into her room. The moment the door clicked into place, I went to find somewhere to sleep.
12
ROISIN
If the clockon the desk didn’t stop ticking so loudly, I was going to throw it out the window. I’d come to the library for a bit of peace and quiet, but the room’s double-height ceiling made every sound echo, and the smell of musty pages left my stomach churning like a stormy sea.
“And then he punched Lord Kerrington square in the nose!” Lowri poured me another glass of water from the jug beside the clock. The giggling. The swooshing of her wide green skirts. Theclick-clickof her shoes on the wooden planks. All of it made me want to rip out my hair.
“Must you be so loud?” I breathed, pinching the bridge of my nose and screwing my eyes shut against the sunlight bursting through the open windows. If I’d had the energy, I would’ve pulled the heavy drapes. But then there wouldn’t be a breeze, and the smells in this room would put me in an early grave. “Why is it so hot in this blasted castle?” I fanned myself with my hand, wishing my things hadn’t been packed away so I could’ve brought an actual fan.
The color of my dress reminded me of pea soup. It was like whoever had supervised the relocation of my garments had stuffed the ugliest ones into Caiman’s armoire.
Caiman.
The thought of where I’d stayed last night left me shuddering.
At least now I know why you hate me.
How could I do anything but hate him, knowing the awful things he’d said? The unforgivable things he’d done?
He lied to you about what happened . . .
That was the part I couldn’t wrap my muddled head around. Caiman had appeared genuinely shocked when I’d brought up Lady Whitney’s name. It could’ve been guilt that had flickered across his expression. But the frustration and hurt in his tone left me wondering.What if all the other awful stories Alrec had told me were wrong as well? No. He’d loved me—had wanted to keep me from getting hurt. He wouldn’t have lied to me for all these years. Not about his own brother.
I wrapped my fingers around the cool glass and took a drink, letting the lukewarm liquid soothe my dry throat.
Lowri giggled again. “You should have seen the prince. He was brilliant—like a dark, avenging angel, swooping in and”—she balled her hand into a fist and punched the air—“Pow. There was blood everywhere.”
“Why did he strike him?” Had Caiman taken his pent-up frustration with me out on someone else?
“Haven’t you been listening?” The cushion dipped when Lowri threw herself beside me. “Kerrington made some snide remark about husbandly duties, and Caiman lost his mind.”
“It’s Caiman, now, is it?” For some reason, hearing her use his given name made my stomach clench. Or it could’ve been the water mixing with whatever was left after I’d vomited all overCaiman’sboots.
“I’m convinced he’s not as awful as we originally thought.” Her head fell back, sending her violet hair cascading over the sofa’s rich leather arm. “He even walked me to my chambers.”
Caiman hadn’t returned to his room, and I hadn’t seen him this morning when the servants brought breakfast to the solar. Had he stayed with her? Surely not. My friend wouldn’t have slept with my husband on my wedding night.
Was that a smile? It was. Lowri was smiling. Why was she smiling? Was it a secret smile? A sleepy one? Was she thinking about him?“Did he . . . Did he accompany you inside?”
She fiddled with the ribbon around her waist, letting the lace slip through her fingers as she stared longingly toward the ceiling. “I offered, but he declined.”