“I... I said I want to fulfill my duty,” she repeated. “Am I not, after all, your wife? What is wrong with what I said? If there were even a marriage manual, it would mention it. Everyone talks about it.”
Tristan barked a laugh that did not hold any mirth. His cynical disbelief was back, tearing apart the momentary passion of romance that had touched the room. He moved away from the bed, righting his shirt, fumbling with the buttons she had tried to pull apart.
“What is it? What did I do wrong?” she asked, acting innocent.
He turned to his wife, frustration clear on his face. He had never been in the mood for pretenses. Even when she attempted to seduce him, his mind was on the possibility of everything becoming real. Unfortunately, he had fallen for the wiles of someone who was merely giving the performance of her life.
Had Brandon been right all along?
“How long did it take you, Cathy?” he asked with deadly calm.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper, as her fingers played with the velvet coverlet. Her face had reddened, the blush spreading to her chest.
“How long did it take you to prepare for this performance tonight?” he asked once more, gesturing vaguely at her. “How long did you observe yourself in front of your mirror, practicing your smile and speech? Did you rehearse every interaction? Did you know when to soften your voice or make it crack to seem sincere in your pursuit of duty?”
“Why should that matter? I am here now. I came to your bed of my own volition,” she insisted, her voice rising.
“Stop with the vagueness! The lies!” Tristan’s voice rose. This time, Cathy flinched. He paced the area by the foot of the bed. “Tell me. What has brought this radical change in your behavior? You were cold and indifferent, and did not wantanything to do with me. You barely tolerated my presence. Suddenly, you were seducing me with any chance you had. Even at the dinner table. Tonight, you really pushed it by coming to my chambers, leading me to believe you wanted me. That you were here not for my title, my protection, and your sense of security, but that you were here for me.”
Cathy straightened herself. She pulled her chemise over her body, and again Tristan could not help but follow the movements with his eyes. This time, he realized that she was shielding herself in more ways than one. She was putting her armor back, taking away the glimpse he thought he had of her soul, one by one.
“We have gone over this a few times, Your Grace. I have never claimed to be anything but practical,” she said. “You know why I married you. I had to escape the scandal that would destroy my sisters’ reputations, and you offered security and protection. I thought that you would appreciate it if I showed you how I understand and respect my obligations.”
“Is that so?” Tristan asked, halting his pacing to glare at her. “Who reminded you of your certain obligations? Was it your grandmother who asked to talk to you in private while I was trying to charm the rest of your family for your sake? Did the two of you talk about how my interest had to be sparked constantly for me to be a continuous resource?”
“My grandmother simply reminded me of my duties and how men have certain... needs,” she retorted.
Tristan recoiled. He felt like he had been slapped. He thought that there was a real connection between them, but he was never anything but a part of her duties.
“I do not want your duty, Cathy,” he spat. He could no longer hide his disdain. “I am not going to be the victim of a business transaction hiding behind the mask of calculated passion. All my life, I have been surrounded by people who performed for my rank and wealth. I thought you would be different. I thought that what we shared that night at the library meant something to you as well.”
“What do you want then?” she cried, standing up from the bed. Her hair was in disarray, and her chemise was rumpled, but she still was the most breathtaking woman he had ever seen. And for a time, he thought that she was truly genuine. “I am giving you everything! What else could you ask for?”
Tristan stepped closer.Her scent seemed to have clung to him, mocking him. Showing him just how much of a fool he was.
“I want you to want me, Cathy,” he growled, baring his soul. He had never been this raw and honest before. “I do not want a duchess who would only come to my bed because of duty. I do not want a martyr sacrificing herself. I want the woman who kissed me like I was the only man in the world. I want you to beg for me to touch you because you want me to, and not because you think it will secure your future.”
Cathy turned pale. Then, the distraught face became furious.
“Beg you?” she echoed. “You think I should beg? I would never beg for anything in my life. People have mocked me all my life, but I have never begged them to accept me. But for you... I changed the way I dress, the way I speak, the way I walk! If all that is not enough for you, then I prefer to be Miss Priggish and be done with this game.”
“Then, there is nothing more we have to say to each other tonight,” Tristan said coldly as he walked to the door. He flung it open, standing aside. It was clear what he wanted.
“I would do everything for my sisters, Your Grace. But begging you will not be one of them.”
“One day, Cathy, you will,” he continued. “But tonight? I will not be your chore. I am not going to compare myself to your ledgers only to find myself lacking.”
With her head held high and her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, Cathy walked past the open door, not even looking back. She walked to her bedchambers. Tristan held on to his self-control, even as his chest tightened at the sight of her in near tears. Then he did not just close the door; he slammed it shut.
Brandon was right, he thought.
Bitterness gripped him. His friend had warned him about his marriage to the woman whom he married to protect her honor. It seemed that Brandon was right about women after all.
Tristan had let himself believe that he and Cathy were building something real. That she felt the same pull for him that he was feeling for her. That they could go past the initial turmoil of a marriage of convenience.
All his illusions were gone now.
Chapter 21