“No!” she screeches and ducks under my arm, slipping out of my grasp. “I hate you, remember?”
“Is that why you moaned when my tongue was in your mouth? It was just that horrible?”
Her cheeks flush, and she tugs her hair free from her bun, attempting to hide it. “That was just me choking on my disgust. Shouldn’t you be out devouring souls with your girlfriend anyway?”
“On that note, where is yourboyfriend?” I wonder aloud. “Good old Jared. I thought for sure he’d be here to comfort you after tonight. I wonder what he’ll think when I tell him about our little reunion. Should I embellish a little? I know you’re fond of embellishments.”
“Jealousy does not look good on you.” She combs her fingers through her hair and crosses her arms. She’s way too calm about this, and I don’t like it.
“I’m just saying, clearly you weren’t thinking of him when you were pressed up against me.”
“Can you just leave, please?” she snaps.
Her nipples are poking against the fabric of her tank top. I make a show of staring at them for a long few seconds before I drag my gaze back to her face.
“I’ll leave, but you know this isn’t going away.”
“What does that mean?” Her eyes narrow.
“I’m inside you. Even when you’re hating me, that means you’re thinking of me.”
“Oh, please.” She rolls her eyes. “You wish I thought of you.”
“Enjoy fingering yourself tonight while you remember that kiss.” I grab the doorknob and turn it. “Oh, and by the way, I jerked off in your bed.”
7
Kailani
When I came back to Black Mountain, intent on destruction, I didn’t expect it would be easy. But I’m beginning to realize I may have underestimated the power of my enemy. There’s one fatal flaw in my plan, and it’s Landon Blackwood. In the scenario that played out in my head, it was me distracting him on the field after school. Every time he glanced over and saw me thriving on the dance team, I wanted him to remember that night at his house. I wanted him to suffer.
I never accounted for how much that visual reminder would affect me too. Landon isn’t just dominating the field at Black Mountain. He’s dominating my thoughts too. Everything he does looks so damn easy; it’s as if he’s not even trying. He’s one of those freakish people who is effortlessly good at almost everything they do, and the worst part is, he doesn’t even care. I really don’t think he cares about anything. But why should he? He doesn’t have to try. His face is his free pass to life. Everyone knows who he is before he even says a word. A hush comes over any room he enters, and people ooh and aah like they’re in the presence of true greatness. Guys want to be him, and girls go stupid whenever he even glances their way. I should know because I used to be one of them.
I told myself he’d never get past my armor again. But now I’m the girl he kisses in secret. A kiss I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since he branded me with his stupidly beautiful lips. I can’t even articulate how many times I’ve watched that spy cam video of him in the pool house, jacking himself off in my bed. The play-by-play is hard written into my brain, and for some demented reason I can’t identify, I still haven’t thrown away the sock on my nightstand. There’s something wrong with me. It’s undeniable now. Any normal person wouldn’t react this way.
When I went back to Hawaii, I thought I could untangle the endless loop of my thoughts and make sense of everything. For months, I explored these themes with a therapist. If I can’t remember what happened that night, who’s really responsible? I shouldn’t have had that drink. I shouldn’t have gone to the party. I should have, could have, and would have done so many things differently. It feels like my own mind has betrayed me. I’m so angry with Landon, but I blame myself too. I can’t have it both ways. And the worst part is, even with so much lingering uncertainty, I confessed to my therapist that Landon still appeared in my dreams. Only they weren’t nightmares. They were fantasies.
The therapist tried to tell me it was okay. She said my brain was trying to make sense of what happened. Subconsciously, I was trying to make a scary situation safe. But it never felt like that to me. It felt depraved and dirty. There was no way it was okay to think about my tormentor like that. Not anymore.
I quit therapy after that and tried to make sense of things myself. But in the end, I determined there was only one thing I could do. Come back here and destroy them all. Particularly, Landon Blackwood.
So, when the opportunity presents itself after practice on Monday afternoon, what do I do?
I freeze.
I never anticipated I’d round the corner of the locker room and stumble upon such a rare moment of vulnerability. His broad palm is slapped against the brick exterior, his football uniform clinging to his muscular frame as his head sags into his chest. It’s like a secret nobody knows. Not even him. He’s in too much pain to notice me even if he wanted to. Clutching his elbow as his stomach revolts, he’s clearly fighting back the urge to vomit. He pinches the bridge of his nose and tilts his head back, eyes squeezed shut as he fights for control of his own body. It’s raw, and it’s unexpected. Why does he play football if he’s in so much pain? And what caused those scars on the back of his arm?
My phone sticks to my palm as the rational side of my brain shouts at me to take a picture. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I could ruin him with one photo. I could send it to every media outlet in the country and, even worse, to all the rival football teams. But can I really do that? Is this who I’ve become?
I swallow the lump in my throat and try to justify why I can’t do it. This wouldn’t be a fair fight. And I will do Landon dirty. I will. But not like this.
“Pathetic, much?”
I whirl around to find Audrey watching me watch Landon, and my cheeks flame with heat. This is the last thing I need right now. Play it cool, Kail. Just play it cool. I breeze past her and try to flip my hair over my shoulder, but it whips me in the face. Real smooth.
“I was just making sure your boyfriend didn’t keel over,” I say. “Not that I care either way.”
Her voice is dripping with venom when she replies. “Coach Lopez is looking for you. We’re having an impromptu meeting.”