“You mean like… spy on him?”
“Duh.” She leans up on her elbow and studies me. “Besides, it will give us something to do.”
I want to say no, but for some reason, I find myself stumbling to my feet as Sybil hops up too. Even though this seems like the dumbest idea ever, I also want to prove to Sybil and myself that Sebastian isn’t like her boyfriends. He wouldn’t do that. But it occurs to me as we trample across the quad that Sebastian isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t know what we are, but he would never allow me to grace him with such a title.
Sybil and I sneak across campus and into the thicket of trees surrounding his house. Already, I’m making silent bets on what we’ll find. Sebastian grading papers. Sebastian drinking Japanese whisky. Sebastian getting ready to go for a long run or watching a soccer game. These are all viable options. What I don’t expect to find when we peek inside his window is Sebastian sitting at the kitchen table with a beautiful brunette.
“What the actual fuck?” Sybil hisses beside me. “I didn’t really think he’d be with anyone, Stella. I’m so sorry. This was a stupid idea. We should go.”
But I can’t go. I can’t move, and I can’t look away. The interloper glances at Sebastian with an expression of warmth and familiarity. She knows him well, and she looks like she’s close to his age. Suddenly, she tosses her head back in laughter as if he’s said something funny, but Sebastian never jokes, and I don’t get it. As if that weren’t bad enough, her arm brushes against his, and he doesn’t even move.
I want to rip her throat out. I want to cry. And worst of all, I want to beat myself up for allowing my stupid heart to catch feelings.
“It just looks like they’re having a conversation,” Sybil says, trying her best to make me feel better. “Maybe she’s an old friend.”
“Maybe.” I swallow, but it doesn’t feel true.
For five minutes, we watch them talk, and what hurts the most is knowing that I reached out to him. I texted him, and he saw my messages, and he chose to ignore them because he’s with her.
“We should go,” Sybil urges again. “You can ask him about it later.”
“You can go,” I tell her. “I don’t want to.”
“Stella,” she pleads. “Don’t do this to yourself. If anything goes down with her tonight, then he’s a dog for real, and you don’t need to see it. Please don’t overthink this.”
It’s too late for that. I’m already overthinking it.
“What the hell are you two doing?”
My head snaps up at the shrill sound of Louisa’s voice, and the better question is, what the hell is she doing here?
“Are you following us?” Sybil hisses. “Seriously?”
“Why are you spying on Mr. Carter’s house?” Louisa cocks her head to the side like she already knows, but she wants to toy with me.
I’m too numb to think of a clever response, and I know this is bad. Really, really bad.
“We were going to break in and steal his whisky,” Sybil offers smoothly. “But it looks like he’s home, so there’s no point.”
“You could just buy whiskey from Charles,” Louisa challenges. “Why would you go to all the trouble of coming up here?”
“Why would you go to all the trouble of following us?” Sybil bites back.
“Because I saw you two creeping around, and I wanted to see what you were up to. Obviously, it’s nothing good.”
“Well, you would know.” I finally find my voice.
“We were just leaving.” Sybil grabs my arm and tugs me away from the window. “Just in case you’d care to follow us over to the boys’ dorms, that’s where we’ll be.”
Louisa eyes Mr. Carter’s house and then turns on her heel, stomping off in the direction she came from as Sybil drags me down the hill. Numbly, I follow her down to the border wall, and she pulls me aside with a panicked expression on her face.
“Holy shit. Do you think she knows?”
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “She seems like she knows something. If not, she definitely suspects.”
“This is crazy.” Her eyes bulge, and her fear only manages to inflame mine. “If the academy finds out, Mr. Carter could lose his job, like for real. His career would be over. And then… I don’t know. They might kick you out too. That can’t happen.”
“I know.” I pace back and forth as I consider the worst-case scenario, but even as I’m trying to be rational, I’m thinking about the mystery brunette. Logically, I understand that my house of cards is teetering dangerously right now. Sebastian could lose everything because of me. And I could lose the only home I have.