“How did you find me?” she croaks.
“That doesn’t matter,” I tell her, refusing to divulge the level of insanity she provokes in me. “What are you doing? What are you thinking coming here alone? Do you even realize what could happen to you?”
She looks up at me like I’m certifiable, and I don’t blame her. She doesn’t understand, but to me it makes perfect sense. And I need her to understand. I need her to understand so badly I just want to shake her.
“You can’t ever do this to me again.” I glare at her. “Do you get that? You are never to run off without telling me where you’re going.”
“Why?” she fires back. “How am I supposed to keep up with what you want? One minute you’re there, and the next you’re ignoring me.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I argue. “This isn’t acceptable. I need to know where you are at all times. If you want to get my attention, there are better ways of doing it.”
“Not everything is about you.” She pins me with her gaze. “Tell me why you’re here. Is this a Loyola rule, or is it yours?”
“You already know the answer to that. Don’t ask stupid questions.”
“I want to hear it from your mouth,” she insists. “Admit it, Sebastian. Just fucking admit it. You can’t live without this, so why are you still fighting it?”
“Let’s go home,” I deflect.
“Home?” She shoves me away from her and folds her arms across her chest. “What home? I don’t have a fucking home.”
I don’t know what to say to make this better for her. And even worse, she’s right. She doesn’t have a home, but she should know that I would never allow her to go without. Maybe I can’t offer her solace, but I could buy her anything she might possibly need. It just sounds so shallow to say it out loud, so I try again to reach for her, but she refuses me.
“Lie to me,” she pleads.
“What?”
“Tell me something nice.” Her lip trembles, and she tries so hard not to let it show. “Just one nice thing, Sebastian. And then I will go with you.”
I stuff my hands into my pockets, conceding that she’s cornered me. She knows I won’t leave here without her, and she also knows I’m not a man to bow to anyone else’s demands. But this isn’t about me. This is about Stella and what she needs from me right now, even if she can’t say it.
“You are so goddamned pretty, it defies my willpower.”
It isn’t a lie. And this time, when I reach out for her, she doesn’t pull away. I drag her against my body and kiss the top of her head because I’m weak, and then I whisper another not-lie in her ear.
“I’m trying to protect you from me because I will leave you empty, baby. It’s just who I am.”
Her chest deflates, and she accepts the worst of me without a fight. “My father isn’t here. So you can take me back, I guess.”
Wordlessly, I lead her to my car and make the hour-long drive back to Connecticut in silence. Stella stares out the window, and it’s only when I stop at the cell phone store that she looks over at me. “What are we doing?”
“We’re getting you a phone.”
“I don’t have enough money to maintain a phone bill,” she protests.
“I’m aware of that. But I do, and I want you to have one.”
“Sebastian, no—”
“This is non-negotiable.” I open the door and gesture for her to follow. “I need a way to communicate with you.”
After another five-minute argument about whether I should or should not buy her a phone, she gives up and follows me inside the store. Twenty minutes later, she has a brand-new iPhone on my plan with my number programmed on speed dial. Once we have that sorted, I pull a handful of hundred-dollar bills from my wallet along with a credit card and toss them into her lap.
“What is that?” She glares at me.
“Pocket money.” I start the car and drive back toward Loyola. “Use the card for whatever you need throughout the year.”
“I’m not your responsibility,” she reminds me. “I don’t need you to take care of me.”